This morning I am slowly putting the pieces of my life back together again. This weekend was a big weekend for me: studio recital on Saturday and my final concert with the Lutheran High choirs last night. The kids at Lutheran don't know that I won't be coming back next year but they will find out eventually, which is why I don't mind saying anything now that it's over. Ironically, two of the junior girls gave me a bouquet of flowers from my director last night after it was all over, not realizing what any of it meant. "Here you go! She ordered these for you along with the senior recognition roses!" How funny and bizarre.
Overall, it went well. There was a slight mishap towards the beginning of the last piece, of course -- a medley from "Les Mis." All of a sudden I was half a measure behind and had no idea why. But I found them and we moved on and when I asked some of the other musicians I knew from the audience later, they couldn't tell a difference or hadn't noticed. It bothered me a lot on the way home but part of being a pianist is learning from mistakes and just letting go. Sometimes your last hurrah won't always go the way you want it to.
But I am glad it's over. I am such a tired puppy. I still have to play graduation, but that will be fine: a few hymns and several rounds of "Pomp and Circumstance." And the seniors may sing something. But nothing major.
I haven't made coffee yet this morning and it's 9:22. That is how slowly I am moving this morning. Because that is how tired I am. My friends John and Megan came to the concert last night to see Megan's younger brother sing and I felt awful talking to them afterwards because I just had nothing to say and I wasn't my normal self. And I hadn't seen them in at least three weeks. Have you ever been in conversation with someone and wondered who's replaced you and how you can get your normal self back except that you're too tired to try? That's what it was like. I hope to catch up with Megan this week when I'm no longer the exhausted version of myself.
I am really looking forward to this next year. Not only will I be able to focus on my students and my own music and my auditions, but I'll be able to breathe and see my friends. Freedom has never seemed so delicious. I may be freaking out about my finances some over the course of this next year, but for now, I'm gonna trust the Lord for that. The important thing is that for all practical purposes, I'm just gonna go ahead and call it: I'm done. I have learned a ton and will totally miss those Lutherans. But I am done. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
And I need to figure out what I'm doing for the ballet studio. But that will be another day. Because sometimes you need soak in done-ness. For now I'm thankful that my students played well on Saturday and that this school year is all but done. DONE. Like stick a fork in it done. Thank the Lord. I am done. I am officially a freelancer.
