Well, he called. The guy... from Chipotle, you know. And we talked. And we texted. And, yes... we had a date. And it was fantastic... ideal, really. I don't think I've ever had a first date go THAT well. He was wonderful and charming and made me feel like I was totally able to be myself and it was great. And he likes the discovery channel and documentaries. All this time my roommates have teased me about my love for non-fiction television and here I find a guy who feels the same way. He also has a great sense of humor. Random and goofy. I love it. And he's attractive: an attractive male wants to hang out! Who'da thunk? In the back of my mind I hear Aunt Voula's voice ("My Big Fat Greek Wedding") echoing round and round: "We never think it could happen... never." Stuart says I need to keep him around til at least Valentine's Day so that the guy-to-girl ratio is even for our house Valentine's Dessert Cocktail Affair. It depends... we'll just have to see what happens. The important thing is that I had fun and felt comfortable: in the world of Katie, this is good news.
Also, I bought jeans yesterday at the Gap. I have officially downsized THREE whole sizes. I bought jeans at Gap last fall in the long and lean style which, granted, run a little big. I bought 10s there last August and I will assent that I should've listened to the sales girl when she told me to buy them tight tight tight because they definitely loosened up over time. Let's be honest, who likes having a saggy butt in their jeans when jeans are supposed to do the very opposite for you? No one, that's who. So then I cut gluten out of my diet. And then I got the swine flu. And then I cut refined sugar out of my diet. And I will just tell you, I never weigh myself so I don't know what I'm actually up or down to these days. But I definitely know when my pants don't fit. And even though I should have bought 8s last fall, yesterday I definitely bought 4s in the same style, from the same store. SIZE 4!!! That takes me down AT LEAST two sizes, perhaps three if you account for the size that I actually purchased last fall. I haven't been a size 4 since.... I don't know, junior high? It was an amazing feeling, even if the jeans do run big and even if I did buy them tight tight tight like she said I should so they would stretch out properly.
All in all, the last few days have been great. I just need to practice more. Definitely have a ton of work to do on all my pieces. All in good time though. I know myself well enough to know it's high time I had some fun so I don't feel too terribly guilty about shamelessly taking it all in. We all need a bit of chocolate now and then, you know... makes it easier to deal with spinach and sprouts.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
traces
So I meant to update this thing last night but for some reason Blogspot was having problems... either that or our internet service was being weird. It could've been either or very well both.
Anyway, these last couple of days have been really odd:
For one thing, school started. And with that comes the uncanny ability to juggle 5 million things at once, as opposed to winter break when it's a struggle just to get up, shower, and go practice. Amazing what a little structure can do for you... well, for me at least. I always hate the idea of structure, but in reality, it's completely necessary for me to function well.
The day before school started, I got hit on. You know... by a guy. And at Chipotle no less. It was the most random thing: that sort of thing NEVER (underline never) happens to me. I was just sitting there, in my own world, thinking about how the friend I was meeting was late and whatever other random thoughts happened to be floating through my head at the moment and then the next thing I know... well hello, stranger! Needless to say, we sat and talked for a good 10 mins before he asked for my number. I highly doubt he'll call but you know, anytime a legitimately attractive male wants to pay attention to me, I am definitely willing to take advantage of the situation.
Yesterday Dr. Wenger and I set a date for my final recital: 24 April. All I can say is: let's kill this thing. I'm so ready to just finish what I started. And I feel like I'm finally mature enough musically and technically to handle my pieces. I know I can do this... let's just hope I pull through. And when the desire is there, good things can come about. So I'm hopeful.
The other odd thing, tragic really, that has happened in the last few days is this: a very dear friend of mine lost a sibling over the weekend. It makes my heart hurt to watch them struggle through this time. Death is something that is so hard to handle, no matter what your age or how many times you've gone through the experience before. It is the deepest, darkest, and oldest kind of magic that exists in this world... the kind that leaves traces forever and can't be undone. My heart is with this friend of mine as they go home to be with their family in the next couple of days. Such a difficult thing to face, especially when it's unexpected...
Anyway, these last couple of days have been really odd:
For one thing, school started. And with that comes the uncanny ability to juggle 5 million things at once, as opposed to winter break when it's a struggle just to get up, shower, and go practice. Amazing what a little structure can do for you... well, for me at least. I always hate the idea of structure, but in reality, it's completely necessary for me to function well.
The day before school started, I got hit on. You know... by a guy. And at Chipotle no less. It was the most random thing: that sort of thing NEVER (underline never) happens to me. I was just sitting there, in my own world, thinking about how the friend I was meeting was late and whatever other random thoughts happened to be floating through my head at the moment and then the next thing I know... well hello, stranger! Needless to say, we sat and talked for a good 10 mins before he asked for my number. I highly doubt he'll call but you know, anytime a legitimately attractive male wants to pay attention to me, I am definitely willing to take advantage of the situation.
Yesterday Dr. Wenger and I set a date for my final recital: 24 April. All I can say is: let's kill this thing. I'm so ready to just finish what I started. And I feel like I'm finally mature enough musically and technically to handle my pieces. I know I can do this... let's just hope I pull through. And when the desire is there, good things can come about. So I'm hopeful.
The other odd thing, tragic really, that has happened in the last few days is this: a very dear friend of mine lost a sibling over the weekend. It makes my heart hurt to watch them struggle through this time. Death is something that is so hard to handle, no matter what your age or how many times you've gone through the experience before. It is the deepest, darkest, and oldest kind of magic that exists in this world... the kind that leaves traces forever and can't be undone. My heart is with this friend of mine as they go home to be with their family in the next couple of days. Such a difficult thing to face, especially when it's unexpected...
Saturday, January 16, 2010
dusk
I just spent roughly $150 on new music (exhales). It scares me when I do that. I feel like a small dinosaur might as well have just chewed up my debit card and spit it out again. But it's for my teaching library and you can bet your bottom dollar I bargain shopped as much as possible. It amazes me what corporations will do to get your money. In all honesty, I would like to be able to buy another $50 worth of material, but you know, I'm a student myself. And I have bills to pay. And we're in the midst of an economic crisis. So I only bought what was absolutely necessary... and I should mention that with 12 students, the bare minimum is actually a hefty chunk. But I count it as a business expense. Maybe in another month or so...
In other news, I realized today that I am officially a small business. Exciting! It also means that I'm going to have to be really organized and keep track of details now in case of an audit, which my tax adivsor (aka mi Madre) says is very slim, but still, don't mess... with the IRS.
(small voice, inside joke: Did you claim that?)
Yesterday I saw Edwina, one of my very best friends who I haven't seen in a month now since she went off to India for 3 weeks over Christmas break (!!) for a study abroad venture. That girl... she is ridiculous. And I love her for it. We sat there in the library talking for a good hour and a half, probably disturbing the 5 people who were within earshot. It was so good to just catch up with her. There's a lot to be said for familiarity with people and things. It seems within these last couple of months, there has been less and less that remains familiar. The landscape keeps changing... like at dusk when you don't notice it and then all of a sudden, everything is a mere shadow of what it used to be. Having lived through this, I can tell you: it's weird.
I also have to say that I've been thinking about my plans for next year for a week or so now and still have no permanent conclusions, only to say that I'm at peace with the idea of not going to grad school right away just as much as I'm at peace with the idea of continuing straight through. I would explain this, except that there's really no explanation: I started thinking about the possibility of just taking a year off and teaching here in Columbia, since I have 12 students now and know I could get more. I also know that I could really benefit from a year off of school and the experience of managing my own studio without the burden of classes and an upcoming recital. And let's face it: I don't want more loans just yet. So it's something I'm considering, even though in these last couple of years I never would've thought I'd want to stay in Columbia after finishing undergrad. It's a bit surreal. Everything is up in the air right now and I have no idea exactly how it will really turn out. I guess that's the beauty of it though.
In other news, I realized today that I am officially a small business. Exciting! It also means that I'm going to have to be really organized and keep track of details now in case of an audit, which my tax adivsor (aka mi Madre) says is very slim, but still, don't mess... with the IRS.
(small voice, inside joke: Did you claim that?)
Yesterday I saw Edwina, one of my very best friends who I haven't seen in a month now since she went off to India for 3 weeks over Christmas break (!!) for a study abroad venture. That girl... she is ridiculous. And I love her for it. We sat there in the library talking for a good hour and a half, probably disturbing the 5 people who were within earshot. It was so good to just catch up with her. There's a lot to be said for familiarity with people and things. It seems within these last couple of months, there has been less and less that remains familiar. The landscape keeps changing... like at dusk when you don't notice it and then all of a sudden, everything is a mere shadow of what it used to be. Having lived through this, I can tell you: it's weird.
I also have to say that I've been thinking about my plans for next year for a week or so now and still have no permanent conclusions, only to say that I'm at peace with the idea of not going to grad school right away just as much as I'm at peace with the idea of continuing straight through. I would explain this, except that there's really no explanation: I started thinking about the possibility of just taking a year off and teaching here in Columbia, since I have 12 students now and know I could get more. I also know that I could really benefit from a year off of school and the experience of managing my own studio without the burden of classes and an upcoming recital. And let's face it: I don't want more loans just yet. So it's something I'm considering, even though in these last couple of years I never would've thought I'd want to stay in Columbia after finishing undergrad. It's a bit surreal. Everything is up in the air right now and I have no idea exactly how it will really turn out. I guess that's the beauty of it though.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
hibernation
Tonight I do not understand myself. I am in mega hibernation mode. The closer school gets, the more roomies start coming back to our quiet little duplex, the more responsibility is placed on me by activities that have once again resumed, the more I want to be left alone. I shudder at the thought of being forced to be around people all the time once again... Is this normal??
In generations prior to ours, people were forced to be around other people and to depend on each other for survival. It's not like that anymore. I can do just fine on my own, thank you. And I find myself increasingly wanting more and more space from people, responsibilities, and demands on my time that I have little interest in. I know I'm not the only one who is like this. What I want to know is this: am I becoming increasingly selfish or am I simply searching for an adult version of independence? Or both? Does becoming an adult automatically equal becoming a more self-centered person? According to my last post, I suppose it does. But I feel like I need to understand the ramifications of this idea more... because there's a huge part of me that doesn't want to be that way AT ALL.
On the other hand, I would like to know why I have such a strong desire to be left alone. What is it about the adult world that chafes against my nerves so badly? Am I just tired of the life I've been living... tired of school and therefore tired of everything that I associate with school (responsibility, social events, living with people)?? I don't fully understand it. I wish I did. Because then I wouldn't sound so ridiculous to myself in my head when I think about these things or write about them in my blog posts. I remind myself of my dog, Casey. Casey is the best and probably only dog I've ever been close to at all. I love her with every last bit of doggie love in my heart. But she can be an independent, persnickety little snot sometimes. She growls at you if you happen to do something she doesn't like or perchance disturbs her peace. And so often, I find myself being the same way: don't invade my space, don't expect me to do things I have no interest in, and don't bother me if I otherwise look perfectly content. It makes me wonder if I will ever be ready for a relationship. I'd like to think I could be selfless if I found the right person. But even then, I still have to wonder...
In other news, I've finished reading Stuart Little. It was wonderful. The ending seems like it's not really an ending at all, but in that regard, it's sort of beautiful. E.B. White leaves it up to the reader to imagine what happens and sometimes that is the absolute best way to end a story. And I have to say that reading a children's book every night before bed has done fantastic things for me. For one thing, it helps my brain calm down much faster than just lying there, waiting to wind down in the darkness.
Also, grad school... still trying to figure out what to do about that one. I'll keep you posted.
In generations prior to ours, people were forced to be around other people and to depend on each other for survival. It's not like that anymore. I can do just fine on my own, thank you. And I find myself increasingly wanting more and more space from people, responsibilities, and demands on my time that I have little interest in. I know I'm not the only one who is like this. What I want to know is this: am I becoming increasingly selfish or am I simply searching for an adult version of independence? Or both? Does becoming an adult automatically equal becoming a more self-centered person? According to my last post, I suppose it does. But I feel like I need to understand the ramifications of this idea more... because there's a huge part of me that doesn't want to be that way AT ALL.
On the other hand, I would like to know why I have such a strong desire to be left alone. What is it about the adult world that chafes against my nerves so badly? Am I just tired of the life I've been living... tired of school and therefore tired of everything that I associate with school (responsibility, social events, living with people)?? I don't fully understand it. I wish I did. Because then I wouldn't sound so ridiculous to myself in my head when I think about these things or write about them in my blog posts. I remind myself of my dog, Casey. Casey is the best and probably only dog I've ever been close to at all. I love her with every last bit of doggie love in my heart. But she can be an independent, persnickety little snot sometimes. She growls at you if you happen to do something she doesn't like or perchance disturbs her peace. And so often, I find myself being the same way: don't invade my space, don't expect me to do things I have no interest in, and don't bother me if I otherwise look perfectly content. It makes me wonder if I will ever be ready for a relationship. I'd like to think I could be selfless if I found the right person. But even then, I still have to wonder...
In other news, I've finished reading Stuart Little. It was wonderful. The ending seems like it's not really an ending at all, but in that regard, it's sort of beautiful. E.B. White leaves it up to the reader to imagine what happens and sometimes that is the absolute best way to end a story. And I have to say that reading a children's book every night before bed has done fantastic things for me. For one thing, it helps my brain calm down much faster than just lying there, waiting to wind down in the darkness.
Also, grad school... still trying to figure out what to do about that one. I'll keep you posted.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
little people
It's been a long day. The day itself was good so I should give credit where credit is due. But I have found that I am (apparently) a responsibility magnet. People LOVE piling responsibility on me. I don't know what they see to make them think I want more of it but whatever I'm doing, it just keeps coming, no matter what my strategies are for avoiding additional crap. Sometimes I just wish I could hunker down in the cave of Katie -- the billion and one things I already have to do -- and just stick up a white flag of surrender: Leave me alone. And don't make me feel guilty for avoiding the work you're trying to give out to someone.
... I wonder if all people feel this way.
But the good thing about this week is that I've started teaching again. I've learned in the last two days that if I had a choice of what to do with my life and money were not an issue and I could be selfish and hermit-like, I would spend my days practicing and teaching piano and cooking and hibernating at home, taking care of myself and maybe an animal and whoever else happened to be in my life at the time. Alas, I'm living in a dream world. Which explains why the thought of additional responsibility is stressful at the moment.
Let's face it: I don't think I'm ready for school again. I've had an incredibly relaxing break and now that I've gotten into my teaching routine for the semester, I love that these last few days have been filled with nothing but piano and students. The thought of school starting next week makes me shiver. Apparently I'm going to have to come out of hibernation (cue dirge)...
On a brighter note, I love my students and seeing them again has really been the highlight of my week. When I teach, I feel good and successful (usually) and needed. I'm allowed a set amount of time with each student one-on-one every single week. I love it. I imagine parenting must be very similar... hard, but oh so worth it. Tonight my 5-yr-old, a new addition to my studio this semester, asked me what the gray thing on the side of my nose was. He also asked if it was stuck in there permanently and if it went all the way through and if it hurt. He looked very thoughtful and leery as he listened to my responses and I got a huge kick out of the entire conversation. And my 7th grader, who struggled with motivation all last semester, was a completely different student during her lesson yesterday. It was absolutely inspiring to me as a teacher to have her heart back in the game again. Kids are amazing. Which is why, more than anything, I think I am irritated by the adult world so easily. Adults do not understand... they have one thing in mind: themselves and all the stuff they have to get done. Me included. But for 7-8 hours a week, I am taken out of that world and allowed to give my full attention to members of the population who are younger than I and, in my opinion, a little wiser too.
So for tonight, I am going to lose myself in my cooking (a recipe from my new cookbook: Sweet Potato & Black Bean Burritos) and refuse to be irritated with the adult world. After all, I'm a card-carrying member and could stand to take a few cues from my students, as well as my kind and patient alter-ego as a teacher. So there you have it: another New Years' resolution to strive for... patience with big people.
... I wonder if all people feel this way.
But the good thing about this week is that I've started teaching again. I've learned in the last two days that if I had a choice of what to do with my life and money were not an issue and I could be selfish and hermit-like, I would spend my days practicing and teaching piano and cooking and hibernating at home, taking care of myself and maybe an animal and whoever else happened to be in my life at the time. Alas, I'm living in a dream world. Which explains why the thought of additional responsibility is stressful at the moment.
Let's face it: I don't think I'm ready for school again. I've had an incredibly relaxing break and now that I've gotten into my teaching routine for the semester, I love that these last few days have been filled with nothing but piano and students. The thought of school starting next week makes me shiver. Apparently I'm going to have to come out of hibernation (cue dirge)...
On a brighter note, I love my students and seeing them again has really been the highlight of my week. When I teach, I feel good and successful (usually) and needed. I'm allowed a set amount of time with each student one-on-one every single week. I love it. I imagine parenting must be very similar... hard, but oh so worth it. Tonight my 5-yr-old, a new addition to my studio this semester, asked me what the gray thing on the side of my nose was. He also asked if it was stuck in there permanently and if it went all the way through and if it hurt. He looked very thoughtful and leery as he listened to my responses and I got a huge kick out of the entire conversation. And my 7th grader, who struggled with motivation all last semester, was a completely different student during her lesson yesterday. It was absolutely inspiring to me as a teacher to have her heart back in the game again. Kids are amazing. Which is why, more than anything, I think I am irritated by the adult world so easily. Adults do not understand... they have one thing in mind: themselves and all the stuff they have to get done. Me included. But for 7-8 hours a week, I am taken out of that world and allowed to give my full attention to members of the population who are younger than I and, in my opinion, a little wiser too.
So for tonight, I am going to lose myself in my cooking (a recipe from my new cookbook: Sweet Potato & Black Bean Burritos) and refuse to be irritated with the adult world. After all, I'm a card-carrying member and could stand to take a few cues from my students, as well as my kind and patient alter-ego as a teacher. So there you have it: another New Years' resolution to strive for... patience with big people.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
peppermint hot chocolate
It is 12:17 am according to the clock on the stove. My house is freezing. And I've been sitting at my kitchen table since 3 pm. Today was a lesson-planning day. I'm satisfied, though far from done. I clicked away all afternoon and evening on my laptop, determining the long-term semester goals for about half of my students, planning their lessons for the coming week, and making a list of all the repertoire I need to buy to expand my teaching library. The other half of my students are new to me this semester and so I anticipate another long day in front of the laptop at the end of this week. What a job! But I've raised my teaching rates and thus feel compelled to a new level of professionalism and organization in my curriculum and policies. I'm not good with details. I do in fact hate them. And I do in fact desperately hope I marry someone who is entirely the sort of person to say, "I already took care of that one, babe" when I am otherwise freaking out about the bazillion things I inevitably realize need to get done at the last minute. But when it comes to the education of another human being in a subject I'm deeply passionate about, I can do details. It's about the only time I can do them with any sort of enthusiasm whatsoever.
Also in my thoughts tonight: winter and my love-hate relationship with it. My personal feeling is that it should be illegal for it to be this cold outside. But yet the thought of hibernation makes me really happy. On days like today, I don't HAVE to get out in the weather unless I want to, which I did today because going to my church here in Columbia is so worth it... which brings me to another random thought: I love being at home. Some people don't have this talent. They tell me they have to go somewhere at least once a day. But there's nothing in the world like being comfortably settled in your own cozy house with no agenda and your work half-done. Hibernation. It's a beautiful thing.
Earlier this evening I had an interesting discussion with my roommate Esther about goals and New Year's resolutions, etc. Some people, like Esther, make really detail-oriented goals for themselves with very specific means of measuring achievement for these goals. And that is wonderful. There is definitely a need for people like that in this world. But no matter how much I tried to explain that I am not one of those people, that my goals are very broad, that I am the sole measurer of my own achievement, and that my own satisfaction is the only measurement of said achievement, it didn't quite settle with her. What she doesn't understand is that I have to fight to keep myself from living under a system of self-made rules and regulations. I spent half of my college career realizing I just function better when I'm not so hard on myself, when I give myself grace... success for me ends up becoming a matter of giving myself the freedom to fail, if I want or need to. Many of you may not understand this but all I can say is this: I guess it depends on what you want. For me, the point is not to make myself a better person. The point, in the world of Katie at least, is to love and be loved. And I know for a fact that I can love people a heck of a lot better when I'm not so consumed with myself or my own goals of... whatever happens to be important at the time. Less worrying, more doing. Just go.
There are two other items on my radar I'm currently excited about: my new cookbook (the same one I've been talking about for a week now) and the Beth Moore Bible study I intend to join this semester. I anticipate the results of these novelties like the secret giddiness I know comes with a peppermint hot chocolate. I feel in my soul they will be good things for my heart as I delve into them in the coming weeks. Until then, Stuart Little...
Also in my thoughts tonight: winter and my love-hate relationship with it. My personal feeling is that it should be illegal for it to be this cold outside. But yet the thought of hibernation makes me really happy. On days like today, I don't HAVE to get out in the weather unless I want to, which I did today because going to my church here in Columbia is so worth it... which brings me to another random thought: I love being at home. Some people don't have this talent. They tell me they have to go somewhere at least once a day. But there's nothing in the world like being comfortably settled in your own cozy house with no agenda and your work half-done. Hibernation. It's a beautiful thing.
Earlier this evening I had an interesting discussion with my roommate Esther about goals and New Year's resolutions, etc. Some people, like Esther, make really detail-oriented goals for themselves with very specific means of measuring achievement for these goals. And that is wonderful. There is definitely a need for people like that in this world. But no matter how much I tried to explain that I am not one of those people, that my goals are very broad, that I am the sole measurer of my own achievement, and that my own satisfaction is the only measurement of said achievement, it didn't quite settle with her. What she doesn't understand is that I have to fight to keep myself from living under a system of self-made rules and regulations. I spent half of my college career realizing I just function better when I'm not so hard on myself, when I give myself grace... success for me ends up becoming a matter of giving myself the freedom to fail, if I want or need to. Many of you may not understand this but all I can say is this: I guess it depends on what you want. For me, the point is not to make myself a better person. The point, in the world of Katie at least, is to love and be loved. And I know for a fact that I can love people a heck of a lot better when I'm not so consumed with myself or my own goals of... whatever happens to be important at the time. Less worrying, more doing. Just go.
There are two other items on my radar I'm currently excited about: my new cookbook (the same one I've been talking about for a week now) and the Beth Moore Bible study I intend to join this semester. I anticipate the results of these novelties like the secret giddiness I know comes with a peppermint hot chocolate. I feel in my soul they will be good things for my heart as I delve into them in the coming weeks. Until then, Stuart Little...
Friday, January 8, 2010
Sweet Dreams
So it's almost 2 am and I am wide awake, thinking about 50 gazillion things thanks to an ill-timed hour-and-a-half nap this evening around 7:30, when I fell asleep reading Stuart Little. That's right. The famous children's book about the mouse by E.B. White. I would ask you not to judge me but let's review: this is my blog.
Several things are running through my head as I sit here wondering if and when sleep will come. For one thing, I have been reading Julie Powell's old blog from 2002 as she worked her way through Julia Child's "Mastering the Art of French Cooking." I bought a cook book this last week that is all about clean food. I love this new cook book. But reading Julie Powell's blog makes me think I should've opted for Julia instead. And while my thighs are thanking me for not making tons of recipes infused with butter, my taste buds wish I would have said "Screw clean food. Go French, you crazy girl!"
Another thought that occurs to me as I glance at the tabs on my web browser: I need to do my fellowship application for Wash U. Reviewing the application instructions and guidelines for prospective fellows, I realize the fellowship basically grants tuition remission, which I will receive anyway from the School of Music upon acceptance into the school. Dang it! I need a stipend or an assistantship, not tuition. Actually I need both. But if I get accepted, paying for tuition is not what I'm worried about. I do not want to take out more loans just so I can make rent without having to worry about a job while in grad school. And I've been told by the piano faculty there's no money in the department for stipends. This is not good. What an awesome economy I'm living in. God, help!
And while we're prolonging insomnia with worry, I might as well just face the fact that this next year is going to be nothing short of an adventure in crazy life-changes. I'm doing my best to look this year in the eye and say, "No fear, Kates. God's got this one" but I have to admit that I'm more than just a bit leary of the next 10-12 months or so. It's gonna be weird. And surreal. And hard. Two of my best friends have already moved to opposite sides of the state from me. I also anticipate that one of these friends will also get married and move to Atlanta, even farther away than she is from me now. Awesome. I was hoping we would end up in the same city again for a while. Apparently not. I will also graduate and most likely start grad school in the fall. Exciting. But still weird. Two of my other long-time friends also anticipate moving to different states as well. And it would be one thing if these were all just acquaintances. But we're talking about my best friends here. Sometimes being an adult is really great... there have been many times in the last couple months when I have felt highly successful for one reason or another. Learning how to handle stuff can be really rewarding. But there are other things about adulthood that I simply could do without altogether. Friends leaving is definitely one of them. Bah!
P.S. Bigelow makes this "Sweet Dreams" chamomile and peppermint tea that I pulled out of my pantry shelf, praying for relief from this nap-induced insomnia. It is really disgusting tea before the addition of a crap-ton of honey. Just thought I would make a note of that. Hope to see things more positively tomorrow morning. Sleep usually does good things for me... if only it would come! Perhaps another date with Stuart Little will do the trick...
Several things are running through my head as I sit here wondering if and when sleep will come. For one thing, I have been reading Julie Powell's old blog from 2002 as she worked her way through Julia Child's "Mastering the Art of French Cooking." I bought a cook book this last week that is all about clean food. I love this new cook book. But reading Julie Powell's blog makes me think I should've opted for Julia instead. And while my thighs are thanking me for not making tons of recipes infused with butter, my taste buds wish I would have said "Screw clean food. Go French, you crazy girl!"
Another thought that occurs to me as I glance at the tabs on my web browser: I need to do my fellowship application for Wash U. Reviewing the application instructions and guidelines for prospective fellows, I realize the fellowship basically grants tuition remission, which I will receive anyway from the School of Music upon acceptance into the school. Dang it! I need a stipend or an assistantship, not tuition. Actually I need both. But if I get accepted, paying for tuition is not what I'm worried about. I do not want to take out more loans just so I can make rent without having to worry about a job while in grad school. And I've been told by the piano faculty there's no money in the department for stipends. This is not good. What an awesome economy I'm living in. God, help!
And while we're prolonging insomnia with worry, I might as well just face the fact that this next year is going to be nothing short of an adventure in crazy life-changes. I'm doing my best to look this year in the eye and say, "No fear, Kates. God's got this one" but I have to admit that I'm more than just a bit leary of the next 10-12 months or so. It's gonna be weird. And surreal. And hard. Two of my best friends have already moved to opposite sides of the state from me. I also anticipate that one of these friends will also get married and move to Atlanta, even farther away than she is from me now. Awesome. I was hoping we would end up in the same city again for a while. Apparently not. I will also graduate and most likely start grad school in the fall. Exciting. But still weird. Two of my other long-time friends also anticipate moving to different states as well. And it would be one thing if these were all just acquaintances. But we're talking about my best friends here. Sometimes being an adult is really great... there have been many times in the last couple months when I have felt highly successful for one reason or another. Learning how to handle stuff can be really rewarding. But there are other things about adulthood that I simply could do without altogether. Friends leaving is definitely one of them. Bah!
P.S. Bigelow makes this "Sweet Dreams" chamomile and peppermint tea that I pulled out of my pantry shelf, praying for relief from this nap-induced insomnia. It is really disgusting tea before the addition of a crap-ton of honey. Just thought I would make a note of that. Hope to see things more positively tomorrow morning. Sleep usually does good things for me... if only it would come! Perhaps another date with Stuart Little will do the trick...
Pilot
I'm sitting here in the warmth of my cozy house on this quiet winter morning. There are snowflakes swirling around outside and I am soaking it all in. I should not be blogging. I should be headed to the practice room instead. But I'm allowing myself this luxury since it IS winter break and my world is about to explode again in about t-minus 10 days. Not a comforting thought. But it will be my last semester as an undergrad (not counting the summer class I have to take) and so there's a small part of me that's ready to just jump in and kill it. All in good time, though.
I was hesitant to start yet another blog. I had one during my freshman year of college which I kept going for quite a long while. But then a bunch of people found it... people that I knew that knew me and I had to start being careful about what I posted, especially after I broke up with the guy I'd been dating for 3 years. And so it got weird. Then I tried to start another one my junior year. But I was in the midst of my degree and depressed about life. It was not a good place. I think I posted a total of two times. Fail. This last year, I started a food blog and even though I don't post as regularly as I would like, I have actually kept it going. I'm all about things that make you feel successful and so when my friend Chad reminded me that "nobody's going to chastise you" about a blog, he might as well have handed me a set of keys and said, "Drive baby, drive."
So here I am again, would-be blogger. I could sit here and promise to be dilligent in my posts, explaining all my hopes and dreams for the coming year. But all I've got for now is this: We'll see how long it lasts...
I was hesitant to start yet another blog. I had one during my freshman year of college which I kept going for quite a long while. But then a bunch of people found it... people that I knew that knew me and I had to start being careful about what I posted, especially after I broke up with the guy I'd been dating for 3 years. And so it got weird. Then I tried to start another one my junior year. But I was in the midst of my degree and depressed about life. It was not a good place. I think I posted a total of two times. Fail. This last year, I started a food blog and even though I don't post as regularly as I would like, I have actually kept it going. I'm all about things that make you feel successful and so when my friend Chad reminded me that "nobody's going to chastise you" about a blog, he might as well have handed me a set of keys and said, "Drive baby, drive."
So here I am again, would-be blogger. I could sit here and promise to be dilligent in my posts, explaining all my hopes and dreams for the coming year. But all I've got for now is this: We'll see how long it lasts...
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