There's too much going on right now. All I want to do is practice and be left alone.
... kind of. Except I miss my friends. The only people I talked to today aside from my students and their parents were Jen (the music director at the school I play for), Georgia (the accounts manager at the school I play for), and my mom.
...oh yeah, and the guy who did my mom's pedicure for her. She thought it would be funny to hand the phone over to him so we could chat for a bit seeing as how I apparently don't get out much. I guess it's true. I'm blogging about it. But whatever... I'm contemplating leaving society and living in a cave right now anyway.
And can I just take this opportunity to say that my mother is always trying to set me up with someone??? If it's not her male pedicurist (a man I'm convinced is 30 yrs old and doing toenails for a living), then it's the male nurse tech at the emergency room last month. My parents look harder for a mate for me than I do. It's a little unnerving sometimes... as in, "No, Mom. I really have no desire to talk to the man who's painting your toenails right now... thanks." Or maybe, "Mom, I'm sure this man is a lovely, caring nurse, but clearly he's just as uncomfortable as I am right now. Perhaps we should save awkward introductions for a time when you aren't having chest pains..."
But I digress. All I want to do is practice and be left alone so I can get work done... and work on my stuff. But I have a teaching and rehearsal schedule to keep. And multiple performances coming up. Ugh. So I burn both ends of the day. And I start having 10 and 12-hour days in a row. Again: ugh.
Sometimes when I have free time, I wonder what I used to do with it... today I had an hour for lunch around 2 pm and I wondered what I was supposed to be doing with myself other than eating and getting myself from point A to point B.
And then of course there's everyone else's stress... I need to get better at saying no to all of that in my brain. As in, "Ok, yes, you're telling me all of this but it is not my problem. And I love you and I'm sorry but there's nothing I can really do about it. Emotional detachment commence."
That sounds horrible. I sound like all the other jerks out there in the world... I guess you have to be a little bit of a jerkface now and then to protect yourself. But I don't like that either... being an adult is really lame and unfeeling sometimes.
Anyway, all that to say... Lent / contest season / spring has basically become my own version of tax season. I'm just glad to get to the end of each day. It's frankly a minor miracle if I crawl into bed at night and haven't resolved to give up on society and go live in a cave by the end of the week...
... but honestly, I'd probably take my piano with me if I did. Because then I'd finally make some serious headway in my Beethoven.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
note to self
Tonight I nailed my mom's black-eyed pea recipe with peas from Grandpa's garden. Oh man, they are so good. It doesn't even matter that it's 10 pm and I'm finally sitting down to dinner. I feel like a rockstar, I reproduced this so well. Not that it's insanely difficult. But it's one of those old recipes that my grandma passed down to my mom that I've just never gotten around to trying. Anyway, they are delicious and I feel amazing, which is a great place to be, given the crazy week I've had.
I won't go into details but a lot happened that was beyond the realm of my control and nearly every day was longer than the one before it. It was, in fact, fairly horrendous and I don't know about you, but by yesterday evening, a stiff drink sounded like just the ticket. It was one of those weeks where now that I have some free time on Saturday evening, I don't even know what to do with myself. Ick.
Maybe I'll go to bed early. Or maybe I'll stop being a 92-year-old.
Anyway, things did get a little better after Wednesday's post (an entry I was later told was a little alarming...) but they didn't really get better until yesterday when I was able to see my siblings and then have a nice, long conversation with a dear friend of mine -- a friend whose perspective I truly appreciate and who never fails to make me laugh... or laugh at my jokes, for that matter. And even though there was no stiff drink, the conversation was full of everything: all the good stuff. We laughed, I cried, and he made Yoda impressions. It was perfect. Just what I needed.
And for two days in a row now, I've seen both of my siblings for probably the first time in two weeks. I need them so badly, more than I ever ever ever would have thought possible while growing up. They are amazing. And we are amazing together. This afternoon my brother and I went on another ice skating date and it was awesome. He fell a couple of times and we had a good laugh about it. I won't even begin to think about the fact that in six months, we won't be able to go skating or fishing or bike the trails around St. Peters or get ice cream anymore when he goes away to school... because it's too big of an adjustment to think about just yet. Let's hope I don't haul off and move to Warrensburg with him...
... KIDDING. Mostly.
Not much else to report. I need to do my Bible study but things have been so busy. Lent sucks. I'm barely getting in enough practice time. Correction: I'm not really getting in enough practice time. But that is another matter in and of itself. If I had my way I would give up half of my commitments and just practice and teach. But that just isn't where God has me, and quite frankly, pianists don't get better at what they do by locking themselves in the practice room and never performing in the wild. It's just our lot in life. The practice room is strictly that.
And now that I think about it, maybe that's the reason my week was so stressful (aside from pure exhaustion): It was full of unfamiliar things. Maybe it's like my mom's black-eyed peas... when things get tough, you just need to be in and with the familiar, the things you love, the things you know to be true... that know and love you back, the things you trust. Like my siblings. And my Bible. And my friends. And le piano, working on my stuff... all things that I haven't been able to spend much time with recently...
... note to self.
I won't go into details but a lot happened that was beyond the realm of my control and nearly every day was longer than the one before it. It was, in fact, fairly horrendous and I don't know about you, but by yesterday evening, a stiff drink sounded like just the ticket. It was one of those weeks where now that I have some free time on Saturday evening, I don't even know what to do with myself. Ick.
Maybe I'll go to bed early. Or maybe I'll stop being a 92-year-old.
Anyway, things did get a little better after Wednesday's post (an entry I was later told was a little alarming...) but they didn't really get better until yesterday when I was able to see my siblings and then have a nice, long conversation with a dear friend of mine -- a friend whose perspective I truly appreciate and who never fails to make me laugh... or laugh at my jokes, for that matter. And even though there was no stiff drink, the conversation was full of everything: all the good stuff. We laughed, I cried, and he made Yoda impressions. It was perfect. Just what I needed.
And for two days in a row now, I've seen both of my siblings for probably the first time in two weeks. I need them so badly, more than I ever ever ever would have thought possible while growing up. They are amazing. And we are amazing together. This afternoon my brother and I went on another ice skating date and it was awesome. He fell a couple of times and we had a good laugh about it. I won't even begin to think about the fact that in six months, we won't be able to go skating or fishing or bike the trails around St. Peters or get ice cream anymore when he goes away to school... because it's too big of an adjustment to think about just yet. Let's hope I don't haul off and move to Warrensburg with him...
... KIDDING. Mostly.
Not much else to report. I need to do my Bible study but things have been so busy. Lent sucks. I'm barely getting in enough practice time. Correction: I'm not really getting in enough practice time. But that is another matter in and of itself. If I had my way I would give up half of my commitments and just practice and teach. But that just isn't where God has me, and quite frankly, pianists don't get better at what they do by locking themselves in the practice room and never performing in the wild. It's just our lot in life. The practice room is strictly that.
And now that I think about it, maybe that's the reason my week was so stressful (aside from pure exhaustion): It was full of unfamiliar things. Maybe it's like my mom's black-eyed peas... when things get tough, you just need to be in and with the familiar, the things you love, the things you know to be true... that know and love you back, the things you trust. Like my siblings. And my Bible. And my friends. And le piano, working on my stuff... all things that I haven't been able to spend much time with recently...
... note to self.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
ashes to ashes
It's 11:23 pm. My sucky day is officially over. I just walked in the door, am going to write for 6 minutes, change clothes, crawl into bed, and hope that when I wake up, the way I feel right now will be but a figment of my imagination or the result of low hormones and high stress.
I won't go into tons of crazy details, only to say that I had two pretty stressful rehearsals this morning, followed by an afternoon of teaching, followed then by an Ash Wednesday service that I had to play for, which I was of course late to because I had to teach. To top it all off, I went out with some dear friends afterwards, which I thought would be fun. But then the two brothers of the husband came along as well, one of which I'm positive has sworn to loathe me for all eternity, tonight not sparing. He was totally rude and it was completely uncalled for. I drove home wondering what the hell I said or did to deserve such treatment other than to exist as a single female within his sphere of acquaintance. It also made me wonder if I'm ever going to find the right person. Not because I'm attracted to him by any means, but because with my track record... well, when a man treats me badly, it doesn't surprise me one single bit, but rather just adds to the weight of sadness -- years of feeling largely ignored or abandoned by the male population in one way or another... I have to fight to believe that there's one out there who will actually treasure my heart someday. And yes, that's the truth. At least, it's the truth of what I feel and have felt for a long while.
So that brings me to now, sitting at my computer, still in service attire, blogging the cold, hard truth about my problems right now and feeling sorry for myself online because it's 11:30 and it's inappropriate to call anyone and talk. Not that I would want them to hear any of this anyway. I pray this is a faint memory in six hours when I have to wake up and go teach my 8 am student.
Here's the thing: Jesus, I need you. Because I'm too cynical and skeptical for my own good.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. It's what we came from. It's where we go back to. Dave Cover used to say that whether a believer or not, "we weep our way into eternity" because of the brokenness of this world. Thank God there's one greater than ourselves... who came to save us from ourselves. Even so, come quickly Lord Jesus.
I won't go into tons of crazy details, only to say that I had two pretty stressful rehearsals this morning, followed by an afternoon of teaching, followed then by an Ash Wednesday service that I had to play for, which I was of course late to because I had to teach. To top it all off, I went out with some dear friends afterwards, which I thought would be fun. But then the two brothers of the husband came along as well, one of which I'm positive has sworn to loathe me for all eternity, tonight not sparing. He was totally rude and it was completely uncalled for. I drove home wondering what the hell I said or did to deserve such treatment other than to exist as a single female within his sphere of acquaintance. It also made me wonder if I'm ever going to find the right person. Not because I'm attracted to him by any means, but because with my track record... well, when a man treats me badly, it doesn't surprise me one single bit, but rather just adds to the weight of sadness -- years of feeling largely ignored or abandoned by the male population in one way or another... I have to fight to believe that there's one out there who will actually treasure my heart someday. And yes, that's the truth. At least, it's the truth of what I feel and have felt for a long while.
So that brings me to now, sitting at my computer, still in service attire, blogging the cold, hard truth about my problems right now and feeling sorry for myself online because it's 11:30 and it's inappropriate to call anyone and talk. Not that I would want them to hear any of this anyway. I pray this is a faint memory in six hours when I have to wake up and go teach my 8 am student.
Here's the thing: Jesus, I need you. Because I'm too cynical and skeptical for my own good.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. It's what we came from. It's where we go back to. Dave Cover used to say that whether a believer or not, "we weep our way into eternity" because of the brokenness of this world. Thank God there's one greater than ourselves... who came to save us from ourselves. Even so, come quickly Lord Jesus.
Monday, February 20, 2012
colorado
Tonight I sit here at my desk with the remains of a fantastic dinner scattered about me. I felt it necessary to cook a good meal after the crazy/awesome/exhausting weekend I had: pan-seared steak (thin cut... let's be honest, I didn't go crazy. Steak is expensive!), gluten-free alfredo, peas, and a small glass of red wine (my first drink since October). I've been off the medication now for at least a week and a half or more and so I figured I could probably have a glass of wine, so long as I made sure to douse myself with water and follow it up with a couple of fiber supplements. I am seriously old. Today when I went to the grocery store, I literally contemplated buying dates vs prunes. I finally walked away after five minutes of standing there and realizing that I was actually having this debate within myself. You have to draw the line somewhere.
Anyway, this weekend was amazing. I am seriously sleep-deprived, but it was so worth it. It's frankly a miracle that I made it through teaching this afternoon and back home without falling asleep along the way.
This weekend, I learned how to ski.
It was incredible.
I went as a chaperone on the youth ski trip with my church. Totally free for me, so long as I could manage to put up with 40 high schoolers for a weekend and not kill myself on the slopes.
And let me just say, skiing was so stinkin' hard at first. I swear I fell like 30 times down my first time on a slope that was way too hard for my own good. One of the other female leaders on the trip had promised she could teach me. Right. But then the resort was giving out free lessons and I had an hour of one-on-one time with an instructor who showed me what I needed to be doing and everything got way better. After that, I probably only fell a total of 5 times in the remaining day and a half that I was there. It was awesome and totally made me feel like a rockstar that I was able to learn and get down some modest green slopes with relative ease all in the same weekend. And the whole trip did nothing except to feed my love of beautiful mountain scenery, snow, and cold-weather sports. I hope my future husband can one day support both my art and my newly-found need to go to Colorado every now and then. He'd better take me on plenty of ice-skating dates too while we're at it.
I learned a lot about myself on the mountain too. Skiing is actually a lot like performing at the keyboard. You really have to just learn to shut everything and everyone else out (even those crazy snowboarders who come flying down the mountain at 90 miles an hour), focus on completing one stretch of slope at a time, concentrate on what you're doing, resolve not to be passive in your efforts, and yet let your subconscious take over to some extent. I will forever equate the two in my mind from now on. And I can't wait to get back on the slopes again. It was so quiet and peaceful up there. Cold and white, with aspens and evergreens everywhere. It was perfect and beautiful. Totally worth feeling like I'd been hit by a truck for two days in a row :) Not to mention the 20-hour bus trips both ways. Oy.
And now...? Well, now that I've pushed myself past the point of physical and emotional exhaustion, I'm going to finish my modest glass of cab, take my dishes to the kitchen, and crawl into bed.
Anyway, this weekend was amazing. I am seriously sleep-deprived, but it was so worth it. It's frankly a miracle that I made it through teaching this afternoon and back home without falling asleep along the way.
This weekend, I learned how to ski.
It was incredible.
I went as a chaperone on the youth ski trip with my church. Totally free for me, so long as I could manage to put up with 40 high schoolers for a weekend and not kill myself on the slopes.
And let me just say, skiing was so stinkin' hard at first. I swear I fell like 30 times down my first time on a slope that was way too hard for my own good. One of the other female leaders on the trip had promised she could teach me. Right. But then the resort was giving out free lessons and I had an hour of one-on-one time with an instructor who showed me what I needed to be doing and everything got way better. After that, I probably only fell a total of 5 times in the remaining day and a half that I was there. It was awesome and totally made me feel like a rockstar that I was able to learn and get down some modest green slopes with relative ease all in the same weekend. And the whole trip did nothing except to feed my love of beautiful mountain scenery, snow, and cold-weather sports. I hope my future husband can one day support both my art and my newly-found need to go to Colorado every now and then. He'd better take me on plenty of ice-skating dates too while we're at it.
I learned a lot about myself on the mountain too. Skiing is actually a lot like performing at the keyboard. You really have to just learn to shut everything and everyone else out (even those crazy snowboarders who come flying down the mountain at 90 miles an hour), focus on completing one stretch of slope at a time, concentrate on what you're doing, resolve not to be passive in your efforts, and yet let your subconscious take over to some extent. I will forever equate the two in my mind from now on. And I can't wait to get back on the slopes again. It was so quiet and peaceful up there. Cold and white, with aspens and evergreens everywhere. It was perfect and beautiful. Totally worth feeling like I'd been hit by a truck for two days in a row :) Not to mention the 20-hour bus trips both ways. Oy.
And now...? Well, now that I've pushed myself past the point of physical and emotional exhaustion, I'm going to finish my modest glass of cab, take my dishes to the kitchen, and crawl into bed.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
high school in the lou
Holy cow, this is hilarious and accurate. An article from the Riverfront Times explaining the question forever on the lips of St. Louisans... "So, where'd you go to high school?"
And honestly, why should we care?? But here, that one single question tells a lot...
You may have to click on the flowchart link in the article and download the flow chart separately to view it. It doesn't seem to want to work directly for me on my computer. Props to you if it does.
"So... Where'd You Go To High School?" Article and Flowchart
And honestly, why should we care?? But here, that one single question tells a lot...
You may have to click on the flowchart link in the article and download the flow chart separately to view it. It doesn't seem to want to work directly for me on my computer. Props to you if it does.
"So... Where'd You Go To High School?" Article and Flowchart
Monday, February 13, 2012
True story: after her lesson today, my six-year-old student picked up her cat from behind, held it under its arms, and tried to make it play the piano with its paws. The cat just hung there and took it. I think at one point it looked up at me and silently pleaded with me not to judge. At which point I heartily laughed.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
as fast as he can
Sitting on the floor of my bedroom, everything covered in glitter. I've been making elephants...
And while making elephants, I decided to pop in the Keira Knightley version of "Pride & Prejudice" onto the DVD player. Let me just say, I know this movie like the back of my hand. I don't even have to watch it, I know it so well and I could probably quote half of it to you if you asked.
But I've been reading the book again lately and realizing that I don't know the book as well as I think... too much Keira if you ask me. I'm in the midst of a 7-week book discussion of P&P through my church and reading it again makes me realize I probably haven't actually read it since college... maybe high school? It's been a long time.
Which brings me to my next point: the movie is terrible.
Here I've been living on fluff when I could've been digesting real meat comparatively speaking. No surprise though. Tends to be the case with books and movies. With Jane Austen in particular. I guess I'd just allowed myself to settle for the live-action version.
And as I've been reading, I've been realizing some things, namely that Elizabeth doesn't like Mr. Darcy. And not just a little and not just on the surface. The girl genuinely dislikes him for a large portion of the book. All along, I think I've been seeing the story through the lenses of Romanticism... as in, thinking that she has this love-hate attraction to him; that she liked him all along somewhere underneath the cool exterior she presents and finally succumbs to him when she just can't take it anymore. Nope. Not the case. Austen is a Classicist through and through and so, we have to take her at her word when Elizabeth claims her dislike.
Elizabeth doesn't begin to fall for Darcy until... get this: she realizes he's good. And she only realizes he's good when she goes to Pemberley and sees his estate and how well it's taken care of and is told by the servants that he is the best master one could ever ask for... that they've never heard a harsh word from him and they've known him all his life.
When she tells him no initially, he goes away, owns up to his mistakes, and works to make amends. And then of course he pays for Lydia and Wickham's scandalously patched-up wedding and commission. The man is amazing. Which is why she marries him.
When you think about all he did for her, it's pretty incredible. Granted, it's fiction. But even in real life there are men like him. I know this because I've seen them. Other girls I know have married them. My grandpa is one of them. And mine is out there somewhere...
At the end of Season 4 of How I Met Your Mother, Ted's ex-girlfriend tells him a joke about how one time she got caught speeding on her way up to her parents. The state trooper stopped her and said, "I've been waiting here all day for you..." at which point she told him, "Officer, I promise I got here as fast as I could!" And then Stella turns to Ted and tells him that his person, the "mother" that he spends the entire series searching for, is coming to him... just as fast as she can.
I heard a song on the radio the other day (which I don't usually listen much to but every now and then I'll turn it up), which I thought was so beautiful... totally captures the way I've been feeling lately, which is an odd mixture of hope and longing, complicated by a radar that's still in the "off" position... for the most part ;) The lyrics are extremely cheesy, but the song is beautiful. And it's too bad that somehow this song had to end up in a trendy movie about a vampire couple... :/ Curse you, Twilight.
"... How can I love when I’m afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more...
...All along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me...
... One step closer..."
from the song "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri
He's coming just as fast as he can, Katie.
And while making elephants, I decided to pop in the Keira Knightley version of "Pride & Prejudice" onto the DVD player. Let me just say, I know this movie like the back of my hand. I don't even have to watch it, I know it so well and I could probably quote half of it to you if you asked.
But I've been reading the book again lately and realizing that I don't know the book as well as I think... too much Keira if you ask me. I'm in the midst of a 7-week book discussion of P&P through my church and reading it again makes me realize I probably haven't actually read it since college... maybe high school? It's been a long time.
Which brings me to my next point: the movie is terrible.
Here I've been living on fluff when I could've been digesting real meat comparatively speaking. No surprise though. Tends to be the case with books and movies. With Jane Austen in particular. I guess I'd just allowed myself to settle for the live-action version.
And as I've been reading, I've been realizing some things, namely that Elizabeth doesn't like Mr. Darcy. And not just a little and not just on the surface. The girl genuinely dislikes him for a large portion of the book. All along, I think I've been seeing the story through the lenses of Romanticism... as in, thinking that she has this love-hate attraction to him; that she liked him all along somewhere underneath the cool exterior she presents and finally succumbs to him when she just can't take it anymore. Nope. Not the case. Austen is a Classicist through and through and so, we have to take her at her word when Elizabeth claims her dislike.
Elizabeth doesn't begin to fall for Darcy until... get this: she realizes he's good. And she only realizes he's good when she goes to Pemberley and sees his estate and how well it's taken care of and is told by the servants that he is the best master one could ever ask for... that they've never heard a harsh word from him and they've known him all his life.
When she tells him no initially, he goes away, owns up to his mistakes, and works to make amends. And then of course he pays for Lydia and Wickham's scandalously patched-up wedding and commission. The man is amazing. Which is why she marries him.
When you think about all he did for her, it's pretty incredible. Granted, it's fiction. But even in real life there are men like him. I know this because I've seen them. Other girls I know have married them. My grandpa is one of them. And mine is out there somewhere...
At the end of Season 4 of How I Met Your Mother, Ted's ex-girlfriend tells him a joke about how one time she got caught speeding on her way up to her parents. The state trooper stopped her and said, "I've been waiting here all day for you..." at which point she told him, "Officer, I promise I got here as fast as I could!" And then Stella turns to Ted and tells him that his person, the "mother" that he spends the entire series searching for, is coming to him... just as fast as she can.
I heard a song on the radio the other day (which I don't usually listen much to but every now and then I'll turn it up), which I thought was so beautiful... totally captures the way I've been feeling lately, which is an odd mixture of hope and longing, complicated by a radar that's still in the "off" position... for the most part ;) The lyrics are extremely cheesy, but the song is beautiful. And it's too bad that somehow this song had to end up in a trendy movie about a vampire couple... :/ Curse you, Twilight.
"... How can I love when I’m afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more...
...All along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me...
... One step closer..."
from the song "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri
He's coming just as fast as he can, Katie.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
the white underclass
Fascinating op-ed article from the New York Times about income inequality and a family structures crisis developing among the white underclass. There are a lot of strong words and I don't know exactly what the solution is, but his alarm is accurate. Being from a rural area myself, with grandparents who live in rural areas, I totally see similar trends...
Click HERE to access it.
Click HERE to access it.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
outliers
I have a well-to-do family that I teach on Monday evenings in the city. Both of the children (boy and girl) take lessons and the family is wonderful, although the kids consistently need to practice more than they actually do. We could make leaps and bounds of growth if they would just choose to harness themselves to the piano now and then and actually do the work that I lay out for them. But that is beside the point. They are the first family I started teaching when I got to St. Louis and they will always have a special place in my heart, not only because of that reason but because they are, in themselves, St. Louis personified... everything that so much of this town is: family-oriented, parochial, Catholic, supportive of the arts, friendly, grew up here, stayed here, and most of their family still lives here as well. Some of the conversations I have with the mom are extremely memorable. I find myself thinking about them for days or even weeks afterward. It is incredible what I learn from her about this town, and about life. She is an extremely classy woman, yet completely down-to-earth -- a bedrock of information and realistic perspective, if you will. For instance, this past Monday's exchange went something like this...
(background info: prior to this conversation, I had recently ordered new make-up and had been wearing it for two weeks, alas they had canceled the previous Monday and hadn't seen me in a while)...
(me, after the doorbell is answered): "Hello! How are you?"
(Student Mom): "Good, good... [looks up at me]. What are you doin' all made up? It looks cute!"
(me, laughing): "Thanks!"
(Student Mom): "I've never seen you with eye make-up and lip color... you got a hot date after this?"
(me, still laughing... probably blushing now too): "No, no. Are you kidding me? I don't get hot dates."
(Student Mom): "Hmm..."
(me): "Seriously though... I haven't had a date in like eight months."
(Student Mom, with a wry look and a bit of a pause): "... don't you think it's time we should change that?"
It was all I could do to laugh again, exit quickly to the bathroom to release the half-gallon of water that I'm supposed to be drinking these days, and get upstairs to teach her kids.
But thinking back on it, I know she's right...
Some of the kids at Lutheran like to tease me about one of the senior boys who likes to consistently try and flirt with me during rehearsals. And let's not forget that I was asked out last week by a man twice my age. Not that I'm considering either of these at all, but you've gotta admit that the age-gaps here are staggering...
So I figure it's time to call in the big guns, which is why I texted my friend Megan today to set me up. The last time this happened, I ended up dating a guy who turned me off to dating for eight months... granted, it wasn't entirely his fault. But he chose his moment poorly after finding out my parents were getting divorced.
Anyway, we'll see how this goes. Right now I feel like I'm roughly 60% ready to maybe go on a date in maybe another couple of weeks...?
It's a rough guesstimate with several maybes at best and a complete shut-down for another year or two (or you know... five?) until the right person rides in on a noble steed and steals my heart away at worst. But the realist in me knows that's just not going to happen. Or probably not anyway. Someone dear to me recently told me that statistically I'm just not meeting enough people...
... which I guess explains all the outliers.
(background info: prior to this conversation, I had recently ordered new make-up and had been wearing it for two weeks, alas they had canceled the previous Monday and hadn't seen me in a while)...
(me, after the doorbell is answered): "Hello! How are you?"
(Student Mom): "Good, good... [looks up at me]. What are you doin' all made up? It looks cute!"
(me, laughing): "Thanks!"
(Student Mom): "I've never seen you with eye make-up and lip color... you got a hot date after this?"
(me, still laughing... probably blushing now too): "No, no. Are you kidding me? I don't get hot dates."
(Student Mom): "Hmm..."
(me): "Seriously though... I haven't had a date in like eight months."
(Student Mom, with a wry look and a bit of a pause): "... don't you think it's time we should change that?"
It was all I could do to laugh again, exit quickly to the bathroom to release the half-gallon of water that I'm supposed to be drinking these days, and get upstairs to teach her kids.
But thinking back on it, I know she's right...
Some of the kids at Lutheran like to tease me about one of the senior boys who likes to consistently try and flirt with me during rehearsals. And let's not forget that I was asked out last week by a man twice my age. Not that I'm considering either of these at all, but you've gotta admit that the age-gaps here are staggering...
So I figure it's time to call in the big guns, which is why I texted my friend Megan today to set me up. The last time this happened, I ended up dating a guy who turned me off to dating for eight months... granted, it wasn't entirely his fault. But he chose his moment poorly after finding out my parents were getting divorced.
Anyway, we'll see how this goes. Right now I feel like I'm roughly 60% ready to maybe go on a date in maybe another couple of weeks...?
It's a rough guesstimate with several maybes at best and a complete shut-down for another year or two (or you know... five?) until the right person rides in on a noble steed and steals my heart away at worst. But the realist in me knows that's just not going to happen. Or probably not anyway. Someone dear to me recently told me that statistically I'm just not meeting enough people...
... which I guess explains all the outliers.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
late start
I am dressed and ready for the day. It's a minor victory.
Last night I had food poisoning in the middle of the night. It was horrendous. I had to bribe myself to get up and get ready this morning with the promise of a nap afterwards. I never want to go through that again. I don't even know if I can handle coffee this morning...
Everything is moving at the speed of light these days, as projected earlier last month. And it just keeps piling on. One of these days I'm going to get really really good at saying no.
I wish there was something substantial to report... but it's just a lot of work. I'm still practicing and it feels amazing. It's the thing that's keeping me sane (and competent) right now...
Oh yeah... I was asked to dinner the other night by a man twice my age. All I can say is, the dude has serious gumption. Literally the first words out of my mouth after a period of stunned silence and a couple of elegant "um... well"s were something to the effect of "... I'm confused." The guy totally took me by surprise. Somehow I managed to pull it together, politely decline, and head on my merry way.
Needless to say, it was so bizarre.
Next week I go on a ski trip with my church as one of the chaperones for the high school group. Should be fun. I just hope I don't injure myself. Knowing me though, it's sure to happen... stay tuned on that one.
Also, we beat kU the other night. Just sayin'... ;) It's the little things that keep us going sometimes.
Last night I had food poisoning in the middle of the night. It was horrendous. I had to bribe myself to get up and get ready this morning with the promise of a nap afterwards. I never want to go through that again. I don't even know if I can handle coffee this morning...
Everything is moving at the speed of light these days, as projected earlier last month. And it just keeps piling on. One of these days I'm going to get really really good at saying no.
I wish there was something substantial to report... but it's just a lot of work. I'm still practicing and it feels amazing. It's the thing that's keeping me sane (and competent) right now...
Oh yeah... I was asked to dinner the other night by a man twice my age. All I can say is, the dude has serious gumption. Literally the first words out of my mouth after a period of stunned silence and a couple of elegant "um... well"s were something to the effect of "... I'm confused." The guy totally took me by surprise. Somehow I managed to pull it together, politely decline, and head on my merry way.
Needless to say, it was so bizarre.
Next week I go on a ski trip with my church as one of the chaperones for the high school group. Should be fun. I just hope I don't injure myself. Knowing me though, it's sure to happen... stay tuned on that one.
Also, we beat kU the other night. Just sayin'... ;) It's the little things that keep us going sometimes.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
perfect as is
Laced up tight,
skimming through the air,
cold noses, smiling faces.
I slow down,
make a slight turn backwards,
and skate on...
I watch the other skaters,
some wobbly, some sure.
I look back and see my brother.
He glides by and we know
it's time to race,
though it matters not who wins.
For now he's with me, that's all that matters.
Right now I need none other,
yet the universe
dare tell me that it's time...
"Eh," I say, non-plussed.
"Prove it. I'm fine until it's right..."
Til then, I'll make another turn,
graceful and content,
and skate on...
I grasp my baby brother's hand,
and look up at him and smile.
Your schemes can wait, dear Universe,
for this is perfect as it is.
kbs 2.4.12
skimming through the air,
cold noses, smiling faces.
I slow down,
make a slight turn backwards,
and skate on...
I watch the other skaters,
some wobbly, some sure.
I look back and see my brother.
He glides by and we know
it's time to race,
though it matters not who wins.
For now he's with me, that's all that matters.
Right now I need none other,
yet the universe
dare tell me that it's time...
"Eh," I say, non-plussed.
"Prove it. I'm fine until it's right..."
Til then, I'll make another turn,
graceful and content,
and skate on...
I grasp my baby brother's hand,
and look up at him and smile.
Your schemes can wait, dear Universe,
for this is perfect as it is.
kbs 2.4.12
Friday, February 3, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
eleven-minute post
It is 11:52 am. I'm giving myself exactly 10 mins to post. If I get to 10 mins and have to stop mid-sentence, you'll just have to wait until my next free morning :)
Been a while since my last post. Things are busy. Super busy. And it's not even to the busiest part of my season yet. Why do I get the feeling that this semester may be a near-death experience?
Things I've noticed recently:
- Nothing ever stays the same. Christine's baby, Nicholas was baptized the other day and at the reception Halley kept talking about how she wants to have a baby. Lordy. I have to keep reminding myself that it's ok -- everybody takes life at their own pace. If I were to get married and have a baby right now, it would be such a struggle for me personally and a complete re-direction of everything that the Lord has called me to right now. Not to mention that I have to find a partner first... one thing at a time, right?? It just feels weird because my closest girlfriends have already completed the first step and I feel like I'm still back at the starting gate.
- There is no snow. It makes me super sad. This winter is not a winter. Spring and summer will not be appreciated the same way without it.
- St. Louis is a great place to live. I've often wondered at people who grow up here, stay here for school, and then never leave. Or people who grow up here, go away for school, and come back. And yet, that's what I did. Because for all it's parochialism, it's an extremely family-oriented, arts-friendly town. And we have a good highway system. I just wish people would learn how to drive.
Two minutes to go.
Things I accomplished in the last 12 hours:
- Vacuumed out my car -- I was kind of enthralled with myself about that one. There is nothing like a clean car. Especially since I spend half my waking life in there.
- Watched half a disc of HIMYM Season 6
- Went grocery shopping
- Started a load of laundry
- Made a new batch of chicken soup -- this is a good one
- Entered receipts in QB and caught up on my banking
- Talked to one of my best friends on the phone for roughly 10 mins
- Read roughly 4 chapters of Pride and Prejudice for the class I'm in...
Welp, that's it. Time's up. Actually it's 12:03. So I cheated by a minute. Eh. There are worse things in the world...
Been a while since my last post. Things are busy. Super busy. And it's not even to the busiest part of my season yet. Why do I get the feeling that this semester may be a near-death experience?
Things I've noticed recently:
- Nothing ever stays the same. Christine's baby, Nicholas was baptized the other day and at the reception Halley kept talking about how she wants to have a baby. Lordy. I have to keep reminding myself that it's ok -- everybody takes life at their own pace. If I were to get married and have a baby right now, it would be such a struggle for me personally and a complete re-direction of everything that the Lord has called me to right now. Not to mention that I have to find a partner first... one thing at a time, right?? It just feels weird because my closest girlfriends have already completed the first step and I feel like I'm still back at the starting gate.
- There is no snow. It makes me super sad. This winter is not a winter. Spring and summer will not be appreciated the same way without it.
- St. Louis is a great place to live. I've often wondered at people who grow up here, stay here for school, and then never leave. Or people who grow up here, go away for school, and come back. And yet, that's what I did. Because for all it's parochialism, it's an extremely family-oriented, arts-friendly town. And we have a good highway system. I just wish people would learn how to drive.
Two minutes to go.
Things I accomplished in the last 12 hours:
- Vacuumed out my car -- I was kind of enthralled with myself about that one. There is nothing like a clean car. Especially since I spend half my waking life in there.
- Watched half a disc of HIMYM Season 6
- Went grocery shopping
- Started a load of laundry
- Made a new batch of chicken soup -- this is a good one
- Entered receipts in QB and caught up on my banking
- Talked to one of my best friends on the phone for roughly 10 mins
- Read roughly 4 chapters of Pride and Prejudice for the class I'm in...
Welp, that's it. Time's up. Actually it's 12:03. So I cheated by a minute. Eh. There are worse things in the world...
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