magic

I finally finished my first 10-page research project of the semester! Now only 5 more to go :) This first paper was perhaps the hardest, being the first one. Not to mention that it was on a topic I wasn't really familiar with AT ALL: Folklorico dancing. Next is the Prokofiev 3rd Piano Concerto, which will still be slightly intimidating, but at least I'll be more familiar with what I'm dealing with.

Also, yesterday was Valentine's Day... yes, I had a date. And it went well. But not amazing. I'm sort of wishy washy about the whole thing. Feels like no spark right now but then I don't want to just dismiss it after one date... sometimes it takes a while before you can tell. So I really don't know. I know it won't hurt to go out again but conversely, I don't want to waste either his time or mine (not to mention emotions, since he is clearly interested and I am not attached at all). What to do, what to do. I know I will figure it out but I hate making decisions, especially when the answer isn't blaringly obvious and I'm just sort of lukewarm about the whole thing. Thumbs down.

... come to think of it, my attitude towards last night's date sounds about on par with the rest of my life these days. I told my mom last night that I'm just too exhausted in general to make any kind of a firm decision about anything in my life at all right now. At this point, I just want someone to tell me what to do. Mom says that's a dangerous place to be. Don't I know it. But indecisiveness feels safer right now than commitments. Grr, Katie.

Restlessness. That's where I'm at. But I'm more motivated this week than I was last week, so that is definitely an improvement. We'll see how long this bout of motivation lasts...

... final thought: I really just wish something magical would happen that would give me some clear direction and insight into where I need to be, what I'm doing, and who I'm supposed to be with. That would be fantastic. So yeah... I'm waiting on the magic. And it doesn't all have to come at once. But it would sure be nice if it did :)