We have ants. And a leaky faucet. And a mouse. Not to mention that here in St. Louis, it got up to at least 102 yesterday (some reports said 106) with a heat index of 118. So things aren't amazing. And Sunday I was supposed to see my counselor but her youngest got head lice the night before and so she had to cancel last minute. Oh yeah, and my ex-boyfriend... you know, the one who broke up with me once I actually started being myself? Well, call it woman's intuition (or possibly facebook shenanigans) but I think he might be casually seeing someone else and you know, it's only been two weeks. Just seems really soon to me. And to be even more honest, it hurts and it really pisses me off. Because that's how it feels when you're in love and the other person doesn't care about you as deeply as you did for them. Ugh... awesome.
In general though, I've been dealing with everything ok. The last ten days or so have been... bliss, actually. God has been so good about sedating me emotionally and helping me take things in stride. It was not the normal Katie response so I know it wasn't me.
But then stuff happened... you know, this thing we call life. And so my peaceful cocoon was burst open a little bit... Mom went to see the lawyer yesterday and I haven't heard back from her how it went but things are pretty tense at the house right now. And when I went to Columbia this weekend, I was highly frustrated (not only by the fact that I didn't get to see the one person who has an objective view in my messy life and can speak the truth of the gospel to me in a way that doesn't make me want to hurl my phone across the room), but also by my own dreams and desires of going back to grad school and of people in Columbia that I miss so desperately. I just want to escape. I want to go back to my school and my college town and hibernate and practice the piano and get my masters and get over Jonathan and deal with the divorce from a distance. But that isn't my reality right now and it wouldn't be fair to my family or my students or my own professional experience to just up and leave everything a year after I'd established myself. So instead I'm cleaning the sinks. And the bathroom. And buying mousetraps. And calling my landlord to report our leaky faucet.
And maybe I'll have an hour this afternoon to spend at the piano.
And maybe, just maybe, after another year of working through the nitty gritty mess that actually is my reality and putting lots of little one-hour practice slots together, I'll be ready to re-audition and go back to school. Maybe.
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