It was insanely bright and hot that morning, even at 9:30 am, and in the 10 minutes it took me to park illegally, run up the steps to Brookings, and snap this selfie, I probably sweated at minimum a bucket's worth of bodily fluids. Gross. Jacob always says I'm a charmer. Now you know :)
Anyway, it is only Wednesday as I type this, but for all practical purposes, my first week of school is over. I have classes on Mondays and Wednesdays, with occasional observations on Tuesday afternoons. I am very thankful to have Thursdays and Fridays reserved for teaching, practicing, and homework only. Already I love that part of my schedule.
I am a little overwhelmed -- not as much as I expected -- although I have to tell you that I expected to die in my first week (no joke). The good news is: I haven't died! We'll see if I live to tell the tale of Week 2 or not, but in the meantime, I feel like I'm managing ok. That is definitely the word to use though: managing. I told my mom on the phone today that I will always have my fingers plugging multiple holes over the next two years. Actually, my fingers will be on the keys, but I digress. I'm only taking three classes, but am considered full time for graduate status, so take from that what you will. If that doesn't tell you what you need to know, then I will tell you that on our first day of Analysis (i.e. music theory at the graduate level), we covered three-key expositions in a late Schubert sonata. There are also only five people in that class and I am one of two masters students (the others are doctoral candidates in theory and musicology) and I'm also the only girl. We'll have an analysis assignment due every class, not to turn in, but to discuss and, in a class of five... well... you can't hide.
Some of the best advice given to me before the semester started (by both Dr. Budds and Tiffany) was to take three classes and only three classes my first semester and I am already thanking my lucky stars that I followed their sage advice. I will also have accompanying for my ensemble credit, but I am so incredibly thankful I decided not to take another academic class on top of all this.
My pedagogy class, observations, and lessons will be just what I need as a pianist and a teacher, I think. In my readings and practicing I'm already a little overwhelmed (not a ton, mind you), but more inwardly. I think this was one of my major downfalls during undergrad -- push, push, push. I am so one of those who wants to exceed expectations at the expense of my own satisfaction and enjoyment... like, detrimentally. I realized earlier tonight that the best thing I can do for myself as both a teacher and a pianist is to enjoy this time. I love school. I love learning and I love becoming better at things. But honestly that grade drives me beyond what it should, which means (and I think Jacob would probably agree... for that matter my mom and sister too) I probably need to relax a little... ? Not in the sense of shirking my homework, but I think I tend to expect too much of myself -- or more than what's required anyway. Like, way more than what's required. Especially in my head, which just leads to exhaustion and burnout. Blech. Who needs that??
(If you're wondering just how much I overachieve, I can tell you that for Analysis today, we had to analyze a Haydn Minuet and Trio, look over the discussion questions, and come prepared to discuss our answers. Yours truly provided almost a complete harmonic and form analysis, typed up her answers to the discussion questions, and printed them out in case he wanted them turned in.)
But this is something I'm doing for myself! And I think that will be a really helpful perspective to keep in mind. I'm doing this for me and my students: the best thing I can do is enjoy it, because I know that so much of my inspiration as a musician and teacher comes when I love what I'm working on. The rest just sort of falls into place when that happens.
Anyway, that's all for now. It's been a good week. There's a lot of work to be done and my days are full, but I think it will be good. I think I will probably not die during Week 2, although the verdict is definitely still out.
Also, if you happen to be in St. Louis and randomly see me in the supermarket weeks from now and I look like I'm about to have a breakdown... remind me to come back and read this post. That would probably be helpful.
Love, Katie Beth
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