purple

It's 11 pm on a Thursday evening.  I didn't get home until 9 tonight.  Why can't I just unwind within an hour and go to bed?  I don't understand this about myself.  Probably one of those things I need to just come to terms with and learn to embrace, rather than try to change.

And at this point, my brain is muddled with a lot of... whatever. 

I almost forgot to stop and get food tonight.  Tomorrow morning's breakfast would've been really, really boring.  Oatmeal.  By itself... mer :/  But with sliced, fresh strawberries... holy cow.

Right now, each day is a battle.  Overall, I've been dealing with everything ok.  But I don't want to speak too soon, lest I jinx myself.  Any minute now, I expect a full meltdown.  It's bound to happen at some point in the near future.

I keep chipping away at the insanity.  After this weekend, I will have knocked out Stuart and Courtney's wedding and will then turn my attention to Easter and my friend Jen's vocal audition.  Sigh.  Breathe.  Repeat.

Also a lesson I learned today:  you need to do what's good for you.  Not what's good for anyone else.  Not what you think they want you to do.  Don't worry about trying to save face.  You can let people wonder.  For all you care, Katie, you can let them think they're better than you if it matters that much to them.  Because it doesn't matter that much to you.  You know you're a competent musician and you don't need the expectations of anyone else placed on you... you do that to yourself enough as it is.  And don't let them corner you either.  Some people are really good at that.  Tell them what you can or can't do up front and don't back down.  Someday when Future You has similar issues, tell her to come back to this blog post and remember the organ-piano duet fiasco of 2012 and how that went down... sadly, not pretty, although I did come out victorious (meaning I got out of additional, unforeseen work that would've made this weekend even more stressful) after, of course, several fumbled negotiations on my end...

What is it that Kermit the Frog always says?

It's not easy being green.

I'll be glad when I'm like... purple.  Or something.