the means

It's a lazy Saturday morning.  No rehearsals, no meetings... nothing.  I needed this.  I needed a chance to reflect on all that's happened and all that I've learned.

Don't ask me how I got through the last 5 weeks.  It's been insanity.  My best answer would go something like this:  a lot of practice, a great teacher, a lot of coffee, and the emotional support of a few really patient and loving people.

I finally saw my friend Megan the other day.  She's in the same work boat as I am.  Which means that when I saw her Thursday, it had been three weeks since the last time I saw her.  The Cardinals' season opener to be precise.  Normally we are pretty good about seeing each other at least once or twice a week.  The cave can be really lonely.  Especially when you're in the zone.  Her husband asked me while I was there if people look at those who are "in the zone" and think they're crazy.  I told him I learned a while back that you can't worry about it because otherwise you'll start second-guessing yourself.

And I've learned so much about myself and performing and teaching in the process.  It's been so good.  But I'm so ready for some serious down time.

Some things I've learned this year?  Some of them are super basic, yet completely worth mentioning because they're so important...

1. Preparation is everything.  Winging it is never a good idea when it comes to performing.  Every performance counts.  Every performance is worth preparing for.  No performance is worth feeling bad over... because that is the worst feeling in the world.  Ever.

2. Along with preparedness comes the emotional response, which is shame if you're unprepared versus contentedness / satisfaction if you are.  Shame also comes if you aren't focused during a performance... i.e. if you allow your nerves to get the best of you.  Which means you have to prepare more than you think is necessary to keep that from happening.  Nerves appreciate overpreparedness.  They absolutely abhor winging it :)  And we've all tried to wing it before... a bit unsuccessfully at that.

3. You have to find a place to work / practice where you can focus.  This was my biggest problem in college.  I love Mizzou, but the practice rooms there are not conducive to getting work done or focusing.  Logistically they are set up in a way that when you're trying to practice, you hear 2 or 3 other people within your own cloister of practice rooms, as well as people in the next cubby down the hall through the walls.  Imagine trying to practice Beethoven with some soprano singing Verdi arias next door and a saxophonist working on his jazz riffs in the corner, not to mention the trombone lesson going on down the hall.  I was so lucky this spring when my teacher asked me if I wanted access to the practice rooms at Wash U.  Um, yes please!  They are wonderful.  They're these tiny little sound-proof boxes whose doors close by suctioning themselves together.  Literally, there is a switch for the lights... and a switch for air so you don't suffocate :)  Talk about focus!  It. is. wonderful.

4. Energy fuels energy.  Deep practice fuels lessons and more deep practice, which fuels good performances.  Good performances, in turn, fuel deep practice.  Deep practice fuels more lessons and more deep practice and on and on.  You create your own cycle upward.  It starts with small decisions... decisions to go get work done:  to fire synapses over and over and create a broadband of skill in the brain.  It's exactly as Daniel Coyle describes in "The Talent Code."  Talent isn't born.  It's grown.

5. And as a teacher, when you're in your sweet spot, you can better help your students reach their own sweet spot because you know what to do to get them there; subconsciously too, they see you "in the zone" as it were and want to mimic.  And let me just say, when you're able to help your students get to the point where they're hitting their stride, it is one of the most rewarding things ever... like watching the tulips bloom in the spring.  Because up until that point, they don't know it, but they're dead, musically speaking of course... :)

So yeah, that's what I've been up to.  Last night in studio class, my friend Jen came and we performed for the kids several of the art songs that we worked on for her SIUE audition.  The kids LOVED it and so did the parents.  They listened to three and would have gladly listened to more if I would've let them.  I got an email later from a parent who said they could've listened to Jen sing all night long :)  But we had other work to get done before class ended and so I decided to cap it at three.  Leaves room for a second appearance later too :)  We did a fantastic job though and I was super pumped that the kids got to see the real thing in action and to see what grown-up pianists do... that there's more to piano than just playing in studio class and a recital twice a year.  Made my heart so happy.  I only wish that more of the studio could've been there.  Another time though perhaps...

... because life is a process and no performance, no matter how big or prestigious or important, is ever the end :)  The means is just as important.