as fast as he can

Sitting on the floor of my bedroom, everything covered in glitter.  I've been making elephants...

And while making elephants, I decided to pop in the Keira Knightley version of "Pride & Prejudice" onto the DVD player.  Let me just say, I know this movie like the back of my hand.  I don't even have to watch it, I know it so well and I could probably quote half of it to you if you asked.

But I've been reading the book again lately and realizing that I don't know the book as well as I think... too much Keira if you ask me.  I'm in the midst of a 7-week book discussion of P&P through my church and reading it again makes me realize I probably haven't actually read it since college... maybe high school?  It's been a long time.

Which brings me to my next point:  the movie is terrible.

Here I've been living on fluff when I could've been digesting real meat comparatively speaking.  No surprise though.  Tends to be the case with books and movies.  With Jane Austen in particular.  I guess I'd just allowed myself to settle for the live-action version.

And as I've been reading, I've been realizing some things, namely that Elizabeth doesn't like Mr. Darcy.  And not just a little and not just on the surface.  The girl genuinely dislikes him for a large portion of the book.  All along, I think I've been seeing the story through the lenses of Romanticism... as in, thinking that she has this love-hate attraction to him; that she liked him all along somewhere underneath the cool exterior she presents and finally succumbs to him when she just can't take it anymore.  Nope.  Not the case.  Austen is a Classicist through and through and so, we have to take her at her word when Elizabeth claims her dislike.

Elizabeth doesn't begin to fall for Darcy until... get this:  she realizes he's good.  And she only realizes he's good when she goes to Pemberley and sees his estate and how well it's taken care of and is told by the servants that he is the best master one could ever ask for... that they've never heard a harsh word from him and they've known him all his life.

When she tells him no initially, he goes away, owns up to his mistakes, and works to make amends.  And then of course he pays for Lydia and Wickham's scandalously patched-up wedding and commission.  The man is amazing.  Which is why she marries him. 

When you think about all he did for her, it's pretty incredible.  Granted, it's fiction.  But even in real life there are men like him.  I know this because I've seen them.  Other girls I know have married them.  My grandpa is one of them.  And mine is out there somewhere...

At the end of Season 4 of How I Met Your Mother, Ted's ex-girlfriend tells him a joke about how one time she got caught speeding on her way up to her parents.  The state trooper stopped her and said, "I've been waiting here all day for you..." at which point she told him, "Officer, I promise I got here as fast as I could!"  And then Stella turns to Ted and tells him that his person, the "mother" that he spends the entire series searching for, is coming to him... just as fast as she can.

I heard a song on the radio the other day (which I don't usually listen much to but every now and then I'll turn it up), which I thought was so beautiful... totally captures the way I've been feeling lately, which is an odd mixture of hope and longing, complicated by a radar that's still in the "off" position... for the most part ;)  The lyrics are extremely cheesy, but the song is beautiful.  And it's too bad that somehow this song had to end up in a trendy movie about a vampire couple... :/  Curse you, Twilight.

"... How can I love when I’m afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more...

...All along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me...

... One step closer..."

from the song "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri

He's coming just as fast as he can, Katie.

the white underclass

Fascinating op-ed article from the New York Times about income inequality and a family structures crisis developing among the white underclass.  There are a lot of strong words and I don't know exactly what the solution is, but his alarm is accurate.  Being from a rural area myself, with grandparents who live in rural areas, I totally see similar trends...

Click HERE to access it. 

outliers

I have a well-to-do family that I teach on Monday evenings in the city.  Both of the children (boy and girl) take lessons and the family is wonderful, although the kids consistently need to practice more than they actually do.  We could make leaps and bounds of growth if they would just choose to harness themselves to the piano now and then and actually do the work that I lay out for them.  But that is beside the point.  They are the first family I started teaching when I got to St. Louis and they will always have a special place in my heart, not only because of that reason but because they are, in themselves, St. Louis personified... everything that so much of this town is:  family-oriented, parochial, Catholic, supportive of the arts, friendly, grew up here, stayed here, and most of their family still lives here as well.  Some of the conversations I have with the mom are extremely memorable.  I find myself thinking about them for days or even weeks afterward.  It is incredible what I learn from her about this town, and about life.  She is an extremely classy woman, yet completely down-to-earth -- a bedrock of information and realistic perspective, if you will.  For instance, this past Monday's exchange went something like this...

(background info:  prior to this conversation, I had recently ordered new make-up and had been wearing it for two weeks, alas they had canceled the previous Monday and hadn't seen me in a while)...

(me, after the doorbell is answered):  "Hello!  How are you?"
(Student Mom): "Good, good... [looks up at me].  What are you doin' all made up?  It looks cute!"
(me, laughing):  "Thanks!"
(Student Mom): "I've never seen you with eye make-up and lip color... you got a hot date after this?"
(me, still laughing... probably blushing now too): "No, no.  Are you kidding me?  I don't get hot dates."
(Student Mom): "Hmm..."
(me):  "Seriously though... I haven't had a date in like eight months."
(Student Mom, with a wry look and a bit of a pause): "... don't you think it's time we should change that?"

It was all I could do to laugh again, exit quickly to the bathroom to release the half-gallon of water that I'm supposed to be drinking these days, and get upstairs to teach her kids.

But thinking back on it, I know she's right...

Some of the kids at Lutheran like to tease me about one of the senior boys who likes to consistently try and flirt with me during rehearsals.  And let's not forget that I was asked out last week by a man twice my age.  Not that I'm considering either of these at all, but you've gotta admit that the age-gaps here are staggering...

So I figure it's time to call in the big guns, which is why I texted my friend Megan today to set me up.  The last time this happened, I ended up dating a guy who turned me off to dating for eight months... granted, it wasn't entirely his fault.  But he chose his moment poorly after finding out my parents were getting divorced.

Anyway, we'll see how this goes.  Right now I feel like I'm roughly 60% ready to maybe go on a date in maybe another couple of weeks...? 

It's a rough guesstimate with several maybes at best and a complete shut-down for another year or two (or you know... five?) until the right person rides in on a noble steed and steals my heart away at worst.  But the realist in me knows that's just not going to happen.  Or probably not anyway.  Someone dear to me recently told me that statistically I'm just not meeting enough people... 

... which I guess explains all the outliers.

late start

I am dressed and ready for the day.  It's a minor victory.

Last night I had food poisoning in the middle of the night.  It was horrendous.  I had to bribe myself to get up and get ready this morning with the promise of a nap afterwards.  I never want to go through that again.  I don't even know if I can handle coffee this morning...

Everything is moving at the speed of light these days, as projected earlier last month.  And it just keeps piling on.  One of these days I'm going to get really really good at saying no.

I wish there was something substantial to report... but it's just a lot of work.  I'm still practicing and it feels amazing.  It's the thing that's keeping me sane (and competent) right now...

Oh yeah... I was asked to dinner the other night by a man twice my age.  All I can say is, the dude has serious gumption.  Literally the first words out of my mouth after a period of stunned silence and a couple of elegant "um... well"s were something to the effect of "... I'm confused."  The guy totally took me by surprise.  Somehow I managed to pull it together, politely decline, and head on my merry way.

Needless to say, it was so bizarre.

Next week I go on a ski trip with my church as one of the chaperones for the high school group.  Should be fun.  I just hope I don't injure myself.  Knowing me though, it's sure to happen... stay tuned on that one.

Also, we beat kU the other night.  Just sayin'... ;)  It's the little things that keep us going sometimes.

perfect as is

Laced up tight,
skimming through the air,
cold noses, smiling faces.
I slow down,
make a slight turn backwards,
and skate on...

I watch the other skaters,
some wobbly, some sure.
I look back and see my brother.
He glides by and we know
it's time to race,
though it matters not who wins.

For now he's with me, that's all that matters.
Right now I need none other,
yet the universe
dare tell me that it's time...
 
"Eh," I say, non-plussed.
"Prove it.  I'm fine until it's right..."

Til then, I'll make another turn,
graceful and content,
and skate on...

I grasp my baby brother's hand,
and look up at him and smile.
Your schemes can wait, dear Universe,
for this is perfect as it is.

kbs 2.4.12

hahaha awesome

... and that's how it's done, ladies and gentlemen :)

eleven-minute post

It is 11:52 am.  I'm giving myself exactly 10 mins to post.  If I get to 10 mins and have to stop mid-sentence, you'll just have to wait until my next free morning :)

Been a while since my last post.  Things are busy.  Super busy.  And it's not even to the busiest part of my season yet.  Why do I get the feeling that this semester may be a near-death experience?

Things I've noticed recently:
- Nothing ever stays the same.  Christine's baby, Nicholas was baptized the other day and at the reception Halley kept talking about how she wants to have a baby.  Lordy.  I have to keep reminding myself that it's ok -- everybody takes life at their own pace.  If I were to get married and have a baby right now, it would be such a struggle for me personally and a complete re-direction of everything that the Lord has called me to right now.  Not to mention that I have to find a partner first... one thing at a time, right??  It just feels weird because my closest girlfriends have already completed the first step and I feel like I'm still back at the starting gate.
- There is no snow.  It makes me super sad.  This winter is not a winter.  Spring and summer will not be appreciated the same way without it.
- St. Louis is a great place to live.  I've often wondered at people who grow up here, stay here for school, and then never leave.  Or people who grow up here, go away for school, and come back.  And yet, that's what I did.  Because for all it's parochialism, it's an extremely family-oriented, arts-friendly town.  And we have a good highway system.  I just wish people would learn how to drive.

Two minutes to go.

Things I accomplished in the last 12 hours:
- Vacuumed out my car -- I was kind of enthralled with myself about that one.  There is nothing like a clean car.  Especially since I spend half my waking life in there.
- Watched half a disc of HIMYM Season 6
- Went grocery shopping
- Started a load of laundry
- Made a new batch of chicken soup -- this is a good one
- Entered receipts in QB and caught up on my banking
- Talked to one of my best friends on the phone for roughly 10 mins
- Read roughly 4 chapters of Pride and Prejudice for the class I'm in...

Welp, that's it.  Time's up.  Actually it's 12:03.  So I cheated by a minute.  Eh.  There are worse things in the world...