on the inside of love

The other night a good friend of mine sent me a gift via iTunes (didn't know you could do such a thing but she totally did)... it was the new Relient K cover of Nada Surf's "Inside of Love."  I'd never heard it before (I know, I know... scold me later) and she wanted me to have it, mainly because we work together and the kids we work with have started praying that she and I both find good men.  Call it cheesy, or lame, or whatever you want:  until a big group of high school kids starts praying out loud every day for you to find the right person, don't judge.  It is absolutely one of the sweetest things ever.  Anyway, she sent this song to me, mostly because I think it reminded her of this recurring phenomenon and where she's been with the whole issue recently.

If you wanna get a grasp on the song lyrics, you can find a copy of them HERE until somebody decides that the website needs to go away.  Sorry if you read this post four years from now and the site no longer exists and you get the weird 404 error message.  I'm sure Google can help you find them again somewhere else. 

Anyway, the following was my email response to her, which pretty much sums up where I'm at right now too:

"Thanks for sharing your heart.  I get it.  I totally get it.  I'm still ok in the men dept, mostly because I'm still dealing with the tragedy of my parents right now.  But I decided to start praying for the husband I'm not yet ready for because I don't want 20 years to fly by and then wonder why I never married.  I'm reminded of the verse in Hebrews that says we do not have because we do not ask (or that when we ask, we ask to spend it on our passions).  So I figure a little bit of honest asking for something I know I need but am not yet ready for... well, I think / hope it's with a heart that's in the right place ya know?

I think it's sweet the way the kids pray for us.  Every single one of them that's prayed out loud has been so authentic about it -- not overly serious, but not joking about it either.  It's just right.  I love that.

I wish I could say that I see it coming for both of us -- good men, I mean, but I really have no idea.  But you know, in the meantime, maybe the real blessings are found in the deeper relationships formed between you and I and the kids in just being honest about our needs.  The kind of thing where you're living life together and walking the walk in community, for better or worse.  And you know, prayer can be such a powerful tool for working through your emotions about certain issues.  I was thinking about that earlier tonight, as in, who am I supposed to go to now about __________ issue(s) now that Mom and Dad are split... Jesus, Katie, that's who.  You take them to Jesus.  And not in a Sunday School / that's what I'm supposed to do kind of way but more in a there is no one else who can heal you kind of way.  I almost lost it emotionally on the way home tonight after my Dad's birthday celebration with my siblings just thinking about everything...

... all that to say, it's gonna be ok.  I know it may not feel like it right now... take it from someone who feels like they have nothing left:  you are on the inside of love.  I am too.  We just don't realize it <3"