Friday was your last day of high school. You are done. Soon, you will be heading off into the wild on a journey to find your way into adulthood. Granted, college will be another time of learning for you. But this chapter is over now and you are about to embark on the next one.
I want to tell you some things before you go, mostly because
you mean so much to me, but also because I’ve been there and while I may not be
the oracle of all wisdom, there are some things that as your sister, I have
learned along the way and I want you to know:
- Don’t be afraid of yourself. When I was your age, I had absolutely no idea who I was, mostly because I’d been dating someone for two years and learned to completely wrap up my identity in their existence. It took me a long time to let go of him, as well as the dream that I would find myself when I found a mate. It took me a long time to come to terms with myself. It has only been in the last year that I have gotten to know myself and not been afraid of or intimidated by what I see. Do not hesitate to be by yourself. I’ve spent a lot of time alone this year and a lot of time caring less what people think. The sooner you allow yourself to get to this point, the happier you will be in general.
- Don’t be afraid of pain. It is God’s megaphone to you. He will literally scream himself to you in your pain. And it is his grace to you. You will meet with pain at some point and no one else will be able to go with you. No human, no material thing will be able to take it away or touch the hurt in a way that makes it go away. I pray you meet it with grace and humility. I pray you submit to it and let it change you to be more like the man you’re supposed to be… that is, to be more like Jesus. Remember this one thing, if nothing else: only the Lord can take your pain from you, and only he can decide when it’s time for your suffering to be over. And as it says in Exodus 6:6, “Then you will know that I am the Lord your God…” He will save you from the point of destruction. But only him. So often, this is how we come face to face with the person of Jesus… when we have absolutely nothing left to cling to but his presence. No, he cannot hug you. No, he cannot actually speak to you in person as a friend or family member. But he offers you something better: life and purpose, found only in him. This is the bedrock of the gospel. I, too, am still learning this…
- Find what you love and do it. Forget about whether it makes money or not. Yes, you have to pay your bills. Yes, you have to be able to feed and clothe yourself and your family someday. But it is more important that you do what you love. Too many Americans trudge to work every day, sit at a desk for four hours, eat a ham sandwich for lunch, sit at their desk for another four hours, and then trudge home for an hour or more in traffic. And it would be one thing if they loved doing that, but God knows they do not. Do not head down that route. Whatever it is that you love and are good at, if it makes enough money to live, then do it. Go out there and find it and don’t delay or divert from that path. Take hold of it and pour yourself into it wholeheartedly. Find purpose in your work. People want to work with people who love what they do. Strive towards being a passionate and happy professional someday. Your work should be life-giving, not life-sucking.
- Do yourself (and your future family) a favor and go see a counselor at some point. Our family of origin has been through a lot. You will probably find that you want someone to talk to about it.
- Learn to long for Heaven. I don’t mean cherubs strumming harps and everyone hanging out in the clouds. I also do not mean standing around in choir robes singing gospel music with hands lifted. That is a terrible view of Heaven and absolutely nothing to look forward to. It is in fact crap, not to mention completely unbiblical. Nobody wants to put their hope in the idea of being ghost-like creatures with wings going around singing all the time. What I am talking about is the reality of the new Heaven and the new earth, which will be this world that we live in now, redeemed, restored, and a deeper, more rich and beautiful earth than we have ever known or can imagine: a new earth where creation will no longer groan and we will have the same bodies, redeemed and restored in the way they were intended, without physical or emotional ailments or pain. I also mean being in the presence of Jesus forever, because that is what I ultimately pray you learn to long for. Nothing (and I mean nothing) in this world is worth living for: nothing. I pray you realize that while there are good things here, it will never be enough to satisfy your restless heart. And yes, that realization feels like death… because it is. It’s death to self. Only being in the presence of Jesus forever, uninhabited by sin or pain, will satisfy the restlessness and longing and ache that means being human. And we will only realize it fully in Heaven when he comes for us again.
- Find someone to be equally yoked with. I don’t necessarily mean in terms of being a Christian or not. There are plenty of Christians out there who don’t know a thing about what it means to actually know the person of Jesus or how to love sacrificially or be loved or how to long for Heaven. Find someone who will be Jesus to you and who you can be Jesus to, who is your equal (or better) intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually… who understands you for the most part (because no other human being will ever completely understand you) and loves you anyway. Learn to treat her well, like you do us girls – the females in your family of origin. Learn to love her as Christ loves the church. He gave himself up for it, you know… learn how to be self-sacrificing in a relationship without completely losing yourself or allowing yourself to be walked all over. There’s a balance between being a leader and a servant. You’ll lead best by serving her. And by calmly asserting and communicating your thoughts in a way she can understand. For that, you’ll have to actually get to know her. That’s part of loving her… whoever she may be.
- Learn to be brave and tell the truth when necessary. Don’t beat around the bush with people. Tell them what you actually think in the kindest and most loving way possible. And when you don’t have to say anything, learn to keep your mouth shut. It will save you from immeasurable heartache. Words, once spoken (or written or posted online), can’t be taken back, regardless of the delete button.
And last but not least, I’m going to miss you… so, so
much. Come home now and then. I will want to go ice skating and ride bikes
and get ice cream again, even when you’re at the end of your college career,
ready to enter the workforce, and I’m 30 years old.
I love you.
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