Some days you're forced to grow up by 5 or 10 years. Holy cow, it feels like death. Suddenly you're out there and you realize afresh that all the safety nets you thought you had in your hands were only illusions after all. It's on days like that when I pray that Jesus would take me home to be with him. Growing pains, simply put, are the. worst.
I also think that being in your 20s must be the worst. Growing up sucks big time. e.e. cummings wasn't lying...
Maybe that's why I identify so much with the middle school kids I work with at church... ? We seem to operate on similar planes in alternate universes.
I'd like to think this means that I'm going to finish growing up and change the world. So often you hear stories about those who change the world and how they experienced abandonment in some form, usually through the death of one or both parents, which propelled said world-changer to get out there and really own their craft or make use of themselves in the larger society.
But I don't know that I've lost enough for that yet... I don't know that I want to lose enough for that...
I think I'd settle for changing a lot. Maybe not changing the whole world, but a lot of it. I think losing enough to change the world has to be incredibly painful, which gives me a new-found respect for those that do. Because losing that much doesn't just feel like death... it is death.
And maybe this is just me being a 20-something female. I think I feel this way during a certain time every month. In fact, I know I do. Maybe it's just how God uses circumstances in my life to get my attention and reset my compass once a month...? Because let's face it, I need it at least that often...
One thing I do know: every time the compass gets reset, I learn to trust myself and those around me less and the person of Jesus even more.
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