pause

As much as I would love to brush this under the rug and just go practice this morning, I know I need to get it out.  Sometimes my blog is one of the primary ways in which I feel heard... by who?  I have no idea.  I just know that I need to 1. write it out (my favorite music theory professor always used to say that writing is thinking... yes, yes, yes:  he is beyond right) and 2. feel like I'm heard, even if it's a complete illusion.  At the very least, my grandma.  She is the one faithful reader I'm always sure of.  I'm pretty sure she checks here every day.  Thank for doing that, Grandma.  I hope you know how much that means to me.

Last night I found out that the empty-nesters I'm moving in with found out suddenly and surprisingly that several of their family members are coming into town for several days next weekend.  Because of this new development, they've asked me to postpone moving til a few days later or the following weekend.  It would be a lie to say that I'm ok with this.  Slightly disappointed and saddened is more like it.  There are good things -- extra time to pack and organize the logistics of the move, both of which I have totally struggled with recently, as well as getting my full month's rent out of the current place I'm in.  But mostly it means two more weeks with the guys instead of just one.  Le sigh... and groan.

I've also been thinking a lot about England lately.  My friends who moved there, the Griggs, have been faithfully posting so many wonderful things about their adventures in getting settled in a new country.  It brings back so many sweet memories of my stay there six years ago... and it makes me want to go back so, so bad.  I can't tell yet if it's because I'm frustrated with certain things here or if it's because I really want to go back.  Probably a healthy dose of both.

My brother randomly came home this weekend.  Picked him up at the train station in Kirkwood Saturday night at midnight (two hours later than it should've been because of a train delay).  We went back to my place, got about five or six hours of sleep, got up, and left again at 7:30 the next morning so I could go play for the Lutherans at Orchard Farm.  Then we went back to my church for the 11:15 service.  It was definitely an adventure and I was glad he was able to come home and be with me for a day.  I wish he was here more often... but then I would never get anything done.  And he would never settle down to the hard work of growing up.  It's definitely better that he's in school right now.

Finished "The Voyage Out."  Definitely one of the most anti-climactic endings of a book ever written.  Totally confirms my analysis in my last post.  Picked up "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis, since we're going through certain parts of it in our senior high student ministry this fall.  It is already refreshing and mind-blowing.

Practice this morning, rehearsal at Lutheran, then three students.  Still so much to figure out right now.  I guess I should be happy my professional life is mostly under control... mostly.  Sometimes a good night's sleep can change everything.  But sometimes it just feels like you're putting reality on pause.  That is definitely the case right now.