So it's almost 2 am and I am wide awake, thinking about 50 gazillion things thanks to an ill-timed hour-and-a-half nap this evening around 7:30, when I fell asleep reading Stuart Little. That's right. The famous children's book about the mouse by E.B. White. I would ask you not to judge me but let's review: this is my blog.
Several things are running through my head as I sit here wondering if and when sleep will come. For one thing, I have been reading Julie Powell's old blog from 2002 as she worked her way through Julia Child's "Mastering the Art of French Cooking." I bought a cook book this last week that is all about clean food. I love this new cook book. But reading Julie Powell's blog makes me think I should've opted for Julia instead. And while my thighs are thanking me for not making tons of recipes infused with butter, my taste buds wish I would have said "Screw clean food. Go French, you crazy girl!"
Another thought that occurs to me as I glance at the tabs on my web browser: I need to do my fellowship application for Wash U. Reviewing the application instructions and guidelines for prospective fellows, I realize the fellowship basically grants tuition remission, which I will receive anyway from the School of Music upon acceptance into the school. Dang it! I need a stipend or an assistantship, not tuition. Actually I need both. But if I get accepted, paying for tuition is not what I'm worried about. I do not want to take out more loans just so I can make rent without having to worry about a job while in grad school. And I've been told by the piano faculty there's no money in the department for stipends. This is not good. What an awesome economy I'm living in. God, help!
And while we're prolonging insomnia with worry, I might as well just face the fact that this next year is going to be nothing short of an adventure in crazy life-changes. I'm doing my best to look this year in the eye and say, "No fear, Kates. God's got this one" but I have to admit that I'm more than just a bit leary of the next 10-12 months or so. It's gonna be weird. And surreal. And hard. Two of my best friends have already moved to opposite sides of the state from me. I also anticipate that one of these friends will also get married and move to Atlanta, even farther away than she is from me now. Awesome. I was hoping we would end up in the same city again for a while. Apparently not. I will also graduate and most likely start grad school in the fall. Exciting. But still weird. Two of my other long-time friends also anticipate moving to different states as well. And it would be one thing if these were all just acquaintances. But we're talking about my best friends here. Sometimes being an adult is really great... there have been many times in the last couple months when I have felt highly successful for one reason or another. Learning how to handle stuff can be really rewarding. But there are other things about adulthood that I simply could do without altogether. Friends leaving is definitely one of them. Bah!
P.S. Bigelow makes this "Sweet Dreams" chamomile and peppermint tea that I pulled out of my pantry shelf, praying for relief from this nap-induced insomnia. It is really disgusting tea before the addition of a crap-ton of honey. Just thought I would make a note of that. Hope to see things more positively tomorrow morning. Sleep usually does good things for me... if only it would come! Perhaps another date with Stuart Little will do the trick...
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