It's been a long day. The day itself was good so I should give credit where credit is due. But I have found that I am (apparently) a responsibility magnet. People LOVE piling responsibility on me. I don't know what they see to make them think I want more of it but whatever I'm doing, it just keeps coming, no matter what my strategies are for avoiding additional crap. Sometimes I just wish I could hunker down in the cave of Katie -- the billion and one things I already have to do -- and just stick up a white flag of surrender: Leave me alone. And don't make me feel guilty for avoiding the work you're trying to give out to someone.
... I wonder if all people feel this way.
But the good thing about this week is that I've started teaching again. I've learned in the last two days that if I had a choice of what to do with my life and money were not an issue and I could be selfish and hermit-like, I would spend my days practicing and teaching piano and cooking and hibernating at home, taking care of myself and maybe an animal and whoever else happened to be in my life at the time. Alas, I'm living in a dream world. Which explains why the thought of additional responsibility is stressful at the moment.
Let's face it: I don't think I'm ready for school again. I've had an incredibly relaxing break and now that I've gotten into my teaching routine for the semester, I love that these last few days have been filled with nothing but piano and students. The thought of school starting next week makes me shiver. Apparently I'm going to have to come out of hibernation (cue dirge)...
On a brighter note, I love my students and seeing them again has really been the highlight of my week. When I teach, I feel good and successful (usually) and needed. I'm allowed a set amount of time with each student one-on-one every single week. I love it. I imagine parenting must be very similar... hard, but oh so worth it. Tonight my 5-yr-old, a new addition to my studio this semester, asked me what the gray thing on the side of my nose was. He also asked if it was stuck in there permanently and if it went all the way through and if it hurt. He looked very thoughtful and leery as he listened to my responses and I got a huge kick out of the entire conversation. And my 7th grader, who struggled with motivation all last semester, was a completely different student during her lesson yesterday. It was absolutely inspiring to me as a teacher to have her heart back in the game again. Kids are amazing. Which is why, more than anything, I think I am irritated by the adult world so easily. Adults do not understand... they have one thing in mind: themselves and all the stuff they have to get done. Me included. But for 7-8 hours a week, I am taken out of that world and allowed to give my full attention to members of the population who are younger than I and, in my opinion, a little wiser too.
So for tonight, I am going to lose myself in my cooking (a recipe from my new cookbook: Sweet Potato & Black Bean Burritos) and refuse to be irritated with the adult world. After all, I'm a card-carrying member and could stand to take a few cues from my students, as well as my kind and patient alter-ego as a teacher. So there you have it: another New Years' resolution to strive for... patience with big people.
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