clarity

Once again, we are procrastinating. And by we, I mean me. I must be really exhausted because I came home to St Louis just to write a paper. Seriously... who am I kidding? And yes, it's true. I can definitely concentrate better here but in all honesty, I really just needed to get away. I'm so tired of Columbia and as much as I will miss certain aspects of my life there (like my church and my students), I am so ready to be done with this chapter of my life.

So that means I'm going to Wash U. I talked with the prof I'd be studying with Wednesday morning on the phone and it just all became so clear. I'm not done with my education and what I'm going to gain from this experience will be invaluable in my development as both a pianist and a teacher. I keep going back to the parable of the pearl of great price and thus far, there have been two great pearls in my life. This is one of them. And I definitely feel like I've been called to it. I feel like this is the most obvious and clear choice: an instance of God's desires for my life revealing themselves to me and being what I ultimately want as well. But I couldn't have known that a month or even a week ago. I didn't even know it when I got the call initially. It wasn't until after I talked with Mrs. Burkhart (my prof there) a few days later that I really felt my fears assuaged and I got really excited about studying with her for the next two years.

Now, to just keep my eyes on the ball I have to hit in the next 2 months: four more papers to write (10 pgs each), a recital to give, classwork to finish up for 2 other academic classes. I can do it. But I won't get much of a spring break...

... which is why I spend days like today just coming home and telling myself I'm going to do work, even if the intention doesn't get fulfilled. If it doesn't get done absolutely right this second, it's not a big deal. Because after a week of getting home after 12 and 13-hr days living on lunchmeat, yogurt, and granola bars, you need about 24 hrs of chill time. And a home-cooked meal. This is why my parents are amazing.

Dad says he absolutely does not want me doing ANYTHING this summer (aka only teach since that doesn't stress me out and makes good money). I might also take lessons on a bi-weekly basis just for fun (work on whatever I want) and to make sure I'm not going into grad school with crazy fingers that haven't touched a piano in 3 months. Mom says she hopes I find a rich husband at Wash U. I just hope the logistics all work out so that going there doesn't kill me financially or emotionally. But I've got peace about it and I know that it is absolutely the right decision for me, despite the necessity to take out more loans. It's gonna be fine. And I'm excited for the transition process. It'll be hard but good... I think I'm ready for it.