rainy days

I'm sitting at Kaldi's on this rainy Saturday afternoon, sipping coffee that doesn't have nearly enough sweetener in it... to be corrected as soon as I'm finished here :) And yes, I'm definitely procrastinating working on a paper that's due Monday afternoon. The good news is that I successfully completed 6 pages of prose for Dr. Budds this week (a 1-pg essay and a 5-pg paper)... in the middle of the week no less. And I have to say that the 5-page paper due for his Hysterical (historical) Studies in Opera class is nothing short of pure poetry... which is probably why I'm having trouble today. Let's face it: I gave my best work already this week and now the prospect of finishing a 10-page paper this weekend just about gags me.

And as much as I try not to focus on it, I can't help but feeling like my life has been temporarily placed on hold until I hear back from WashU. And this is what I've learned from the entire experience: transitions suck. They are just so hard. It's hard when you feel like your life is up the air and you can't make a decision. It's hard when you feel like all you're doing is waiting. And it's even harder to stay motivated when you're exhausted of the situation you're in. It's just hard. As much as I try to be content with where I'm at, I can't help but thinking something just needs to change... although I'll probably be caught off guard when things finally do change and then left wishing things would go back to the way they were. Life is so complex. Sometimes I just find myself praying, "God, calm my restless and discontented heart. Self, get over it."

The only other news to report, other than my ongoing battle with my own anxiety, is that my lovely Edwina is gone until the first week of April. Having a good friend in close proximity really does make all the difference. But for now I'm on my own, with only the ice cream she left in the freezer to console me at night when I come home... although that's not entirely true. I do have my own stash of chocolate in the pantry I keep on-hand for particularly difficult days :) Apparently March is the season of perpetual waiting...

... as Mama always said, "This too shall pass, darling."

I'm looking forward to better weather next week... both literally and figuratively. Here's to hoping for warm days, productivity, peace of mind, and coffee with more sweetener in it next time...