surely he will be mine too...

Last night I received a call from the chair of the graduate music program at Washington University: I got in.

And as much as I would love to just bask in the fact that I made it into one of the hardest schools to get into in the Midwest, the deal isn't quite as sweet as I'd hoped it would be. Rather than offering full tuition remission, the school of music is only able to offer 75% of it, since the economy is so sucky right now and they're not a state school. So that leaves me with a bill of about $10,000 a year, in addition to living expenses for a 2-yr program. But you know, my EFC on the fafsa was 0 so there's always the possibility I could maybe get some grants or other assistance from the gov't? In all honesty, I'm just praying that God shows up in a big way if this is what I'm supposed to be doing... either now or after I get out and am looking for a job needing to pay off all my debt.

Because after looking hard at myself and all my options in the last 24 hrs, I'm going to be honest: I don't really want to do anything else right now. I would love to take some time off, but that would require me to re-audition and re-apply next year... who's to say that things would be better financially then than they are now? And I don't feel like I'm done developing musically either... perhaps academically, but definitely not as a pianist. There's nobody I'd rather study with than Mrs. Burkhart, who is the professor I'd have the privilege of working with. And to be honest, there's not a lot I can do in my field with an undergraduate degree in music history except to get a job that's outside my field or teach privately for a year or two, which is really only a short-term solution.

It's an investment. And it's so scary.

But when it comes down to it and I look at my other options, I really don't feel like I'm supposed to be doing anything else... and I don't really want to either. I want to get this done. In all honesty, I should have a master's already. But I don't. So that's where we're at: I'm not done. I don't want to be doing anything else. I don't feel like I should be doing anything else, despite the fact that my parents basically want me to do anything but study next year :)

And I'll probably spend the next month or so second-guessing myself before it finally all settles in. But right now, in this moment, sipping coffee while I procrastinate doing my German homework, in my heart I think I'm supposed to go and just trust the Lord to provide what's necessary. Dad says he owns all the cattle on 10,000 hills and all the money in the world. Mom says he has been and will continue to be our family's employer, retirement, and health insurance. Surely he will be mine too, both now and after I'm done with school.